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Do cowboys just call them hats?
Allergies
When I was little I was allergic to strawberries. Last week I tried a strawberry, and to my surprise, I still hate my mother.God doesn’t get mad. He gets even.
I was sober for 12 years. And then I turned 12.
Women face a glass ceiling when it comes to professional basketball. Roughly the bottom of the backboard.
I was reading this book the other day and I couldn’t decide if the word was pronounced “caramel” or “carmel.” It ends up the word is pronounced “karma,” and it’s pretty fitting because I just murdered my English teacher.
I want to get a full body tattoo of my own body, only 2 inches to the left, so I can stand outside 3D movies and really mess with people.
I got really depressed last night when the weatherman said everyone would be waking up to cloudy skies and rain in the morning, because that meant he assumed I’d be waking up in the morning.
I’m writing a movie about a woman who is melted by a military weapon, then her remains solidify into a mutated version of her original self. It’s called Miss Congealeality.
Being a lifeguard is probably the easiest job ever until you have to do something.
“An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.”
Someone should’ve told Ghandi if everyone was blind there would be no more racism.I’ve been feeling pretty depressed lately, so my friend told me to try a puppy. I don’t get it though: I’ve already eaten most of it and I barely feel better at all.
Does the tip of Toad’s penis look like a human head?
You can tell a lot about a man by his religious beliefs, political philosophies, and core values.
The 25 Best Sitcom Couples
What People Will Say They're Thankful for This Thanksgiving, And What They Actually Mean
Pop-Up Notifications in Real Life
The 10 Ornaments on Your Christmas Tree
How Creepy You Are, as Determined by Your Pets
Flowchart: Do You Like Me?
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
