The Time Traveler's Wife

The Time Traveler’s Wife. I don’t know just what to say. When I first heard about Audrey Niffenegger’s book, I thought it was a different perspective of the classic H.G. Wells novel. As interesting as that may have been (although perhaps quite short), I quickly learned that this was a separate entity entirely.

I have not read the novel, so it leads me to wonder, what is it? Terminator for girls? (Arnold already has to time travel naked. What else do you want?) I am actually quite astounded it even exists. How is it that the girls that are lining up for the premiere of the Time Traveler’s Wife film are the same girls I remember only a year ago looking down upon Back to the Future and T2 because “time travel sci-fi is about as nerdy as you get”. The same girls who would look at me like my hair was on fire every time I mentioned Dr. Who are now Googling “grandfather paradox” on their iPhones. The same goes for Twilight fans. How long ago was it that vampires were for literary nerds and role-players? Now girls all over are dusting off their old Bela Lugosi VHS tapes and fantasizing about being carried off to a dank and dreary castle in eastern Europe (or Forks, Washington, as it were).

I’m certainly not complaining. The more people I can talk about space-time curves with, the happier (substitute in, more pathetic) I will be. But I’m having a hard time making sense of this. Where else do you see this trend going in the next few years? Here are some more novel / chick flick ideas based on the most MANTASTIC themes imaginable:

- A woman falls in love with a professional wrestler. He tries to get out and find a more stable and safe job that would allow him to spend more time with her, but he takes a metal chair to the head and cannot control when he goes in and out of spastic rages of steroid-induced fury. He must try to protect her from himself, but he cannot bear to be away from her. And she is pregnant with their first child, Ralphie “The Smasher” Wilhelmson, III.

- A timeless romance emerges on the World of WarCraft. The man, a Night Elf hunter, inadvertently loses his password, though, and has to create a new account. Having lost all of his friend names and information, he must search all of Azeroth for his Human Priestess lover.

- A woman contracts a rare disease that slowly turns her entire body into bacon. Her lover must suppress his overwhelming desire to eat her as he searches to find a cure before the juicy crispness reaches her brain.

Ok, so maybe not, but that’s what I said about time traveling romance movies and vampire teen-angsty love novels four years ago.

Maybe this is a sly attempt to get guys to go to more chick flicks. “The Time Traveler’s Wife! Ladies: it’s a gripping love story about a woman who patiently waits for her man to return to her. Men: it’s like that episode of Star Trek when Spock and Kirk have to rescue Sulu from the prehistoric times after being sucked into the wormhole…”

Niffenegger, I applaud you. You have succeeded at being both romantic and sci-fi nerdy. You deserve the attention. Now if you’ll excuse me, I should start penning my screenplay about terrorists locking down a JC Penny’s. Bruce Willis is the only shopper that can illiminate the threat…