Washington, D.C. – In a landmark decision, two-thirds of Congress voted in favor of ammending the United States Constitution to include the "right to party." The decision was then quickly ratified by the necessary three-quarters of the states. President Obama had this to say on the issue:

"For years now, we have woken up late for school and didn't want to go. We'd ask our mom, 'please?' but she still said, 'no.' Well no more. We had to fight for our right to party, and as a result of that battle, party-people finally have the freedom to throw their hands in the air and wave them in a manner that suggests they just don't care."

Congress will be taking the next week and a half off in order to get, "totally wasted!" They will return next Tuesday to "discuss stem-cells or some other boring shit like that."