Issue #9

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

While working at a pet store, a woman came in with four children. When one of them (a five year old boy) started tapping on the glass, she calmly warned him “Don’t do that. If you do, the fish will find you while you sleep and eat you.” The boy immediately stopped.
-Anonymous

I work at Australia’s version of Wal-mart, and today a customer came in with his 1 year old son. While in our store he finished a bottle of Wild Turkey, then after leaving the empty bottle in one of the Dressing rooms, he proceeded to go to our nursery section, opening a new pack of diapers he changed his sons diaper. After leaving the used diaper on top of the newly opened box, he opened the box of a brand new stroller. When the police stopped him 15 minutes later still walking around our store, concealed underneath his son in the stroller they found about 5 different articles of child’s clothing, and a fake i-pod from the display counter.
-Cody, Bond University

I work at a summer camp and one day I was trying to convince one of my 3 year old kids that I was his sister just as a little joke. He looked at me and said “You aren’t my sister because you’re not a girl! Girls are supposed to have boobies!” I am a girl.
-Francey, Ontario, Canada

While working as a dog groomer at a big pet store chain, a man came in to get his 16 year old German Shepard shaved. The dog could barely stand, was incontinent, and was blind. After hours of shaving and bathing, the dog is done. Owner comes to pick up, tell me that he is taking dog to the vet that afternoon to put the dog down!
-Mark

I work in a vet clinic. Last week we had a cat come in to be spayed. When I lifted the tail to take the cat’s temperature I saw two very obvious testicles. This cat had been to another vet before coming to our clinic, and our own vet had examined the cat the week before but somehow this was missed. I had to call the owners (who had already had the cat for 6 months and were calling it “Molly”) and let them know that “Molly” would require a neuter, and not a spay, while trying to not make the vet sound like an idiot. Poor gender confused Molly still has a pink litter box and is now being called “Mr. Molly”.
-Shayla

I work at an amusement over the summer as a roller coaster supervisor. That sounds awesome, but it’s not. I actually supervise three rides, and one day I got a phone call from one of the other rides. My employee reported, straight-faced, that a child had jumped off the roller coaster as soon as it stopped, yelled “I pooped my pants” and then reached into his pants and threw it onto the station platform and ran away. The reason my employee wasn’t laughing is because it was true. It was also her first day on the job.
-Ryan, University of Pittsburgh