"[Company founder David T. Abercrombie's] love for the outdoors was his inspiration for founding Abercrombie & Co., dedicated to producing high-end gear for hunters, fishermen, campers, and explorers…Abercrombie outfitted Teddy Roosevelt's trips to the Amazon as well as Robert Peary's famous trip to the North Pole." (McBride, Dwight A., Why I Hate Abercrombie & Fitch: Essays On Race and Sexuality, p. 62-64)


The setting: a present-day Abercrombie & Fitch store. Teddy Roosevelt enters.

Salesguy: What's up.

Teddy Roosevelt: TURN DOWN THE VOLUME.

Salesguy: Huh?

Teddy Roosevelt: ON YOUR VICTROLA. I HAVE TO SHOUT JUST TO HEAR MY OWN VOICE.

Salesguy: We have to play it this loud.

Teddy Roosevelt: AND IS THE AIR IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT OVERLY SPICED AND FRAGRANT, OR DID I MISTAKENLY WANDER INTO A TURKISH HAREM?

Salesguy: Can I help you sir?

Teddy Roosevelt: I'M OUTFITTING AN EXPEDITION. DOWN THE TREACHEROUS AMAZON RIVER. I NEED SUPPLIES.

Salesguy: Like what?

Teddy Roosevelt: MOSQUITO NETTING. PITH HELMETS. AMMUNITION. AND POCKET BIBLES, FOR CIVILIZING THE NAKED SAVAGES.

Salesguy: We sell clothes. And accessories, cologne, fragrances…

Teddy Roosevelt: (to the other salesguy) TURN A LIGHT ON. I CAN HARDLY SEE ANY OF THE STOCKS AND WARES.

Salesguy: Where?

Teddy Roosevelt: (looks around) AND WHY IS THERE SO MUCH ARYAN PORTRAITURE IN HERE?

The Other Salesguy: (referring to Teddy) Look at this douche.

Teddy Roosevelt: NO, WE SHAN'T NEED ANY DOUCHES. NONE BUT MEN ON THIS EXPEDITION. THOUGH THAT IS THE FIRST PRACTICAL SUGGESTION YOU HAVE MADE!

Salesguy: Get out.