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Teddy Roosevelt Shops at the Abercrombie & Fitch of Today

by Alex Schmidt on



“[Company founder David T. Abercrombie’s] love for the outdoors was his inspiration for founding Abercrombie & Co., dedicated to producing high-end gear for hunters, fishermen, campers, and explorers…Abercrombie outfitted Teddy Roosevelt’s trips to the Amazon as well as Robert Peary’s famous trip to the North Pole.” (McBride, Dwight A., Why I Hate Abercrombie & Fitch: Essays On Race and Sexuality, p. 62-64)


The setting: a present-day Abercrombie & Fitch store. Teddy Roosevelt enters.

Salesguy: What’s up.

Teddy Roosevelt: TURN DOWN THE VOLUME.

Salesguy: Huh?

Teddy Roosevelt: ON YOUR VICTROLA. I HAVE TO SHOUT JUST TO HEAR MY OWN VOICE.

Salesguy: We have to play it this loud.

Teddy Roosevelt: AND IS THE AIR IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT OVERLY SPICED AND FRAGRANT, OR DID I MISTAKENLY WANDER INTO A TURKISH HAREM?

Salesguy: Can I help you sir?

Teddy Roosevelt: I’M OUTFITTING AN EXPEDITION. DOWN THE TREACHEROUS AMAZON RIVER. I NEED SUPPLIES.

Salesguy: Like what?

Teddy Roosevelt: MOSQUITO NETTING. PITH HELMETS. AMMUNITION. AND POCKET BIBLES, FOR CIVILIZING THE NAKED SAVAGES.

Salesguy: We sell clothes. And accessories, cologne, fragrances…

Teddy Roosevelt: (to the other salesguy) TURN A LIGHT ON. I CAN HARDLY SEE ANY OF THE STOCKS AND WARES.

Salesguy: Where?

Teddy Roosevelt: (looks around) AND WHY IS THERE SO MUCH ARYAN PORTRAITURE IN HERE?

The Other Salesguy: (referring to Teddy) Look at this douche.

Teddy Roosevelt: NO, WE SHAN’T NEED ANY DOUCHES. NONE BUT MEN ON THIS EXPEDITION. THOUGH THAT IS THE FIRST PRACTICAL SUGGESTION YOU HAVE MADE!

Salesguy: Get out.

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Alex Schmidt

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Passwords

I work in IT for a fairly well known company, but I work for one of the smaller branches. It's just me and one other person and let me just say, he isn't the brightest bulb. We are suppose to change the passwords to the computers every three months, and I was going to be gone on the day that we were suppose to do it. I wrote down the list of passwords that he needed to... Read More » change it to in an Excel doc and told him that he needed change them before he left on Friday, but after everyone is gone for the weekend. Monday I get back and everyone is asking me why they cannot get onto their computer. It turns out the guy didn't like the passwords I had created and made up his own, and then forgot what they were.