Rogers and Hammerstein's South Pacific, Paraphrased

If you don’t want to spend $120 to see South Pacific on Broadway, you can read my basic dialogue-based synopsis here.

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Emile: Nellie, I have only known you two weeks, but I am in love with you.

Nellie: OK.

Emile: I think that you should move here and have lots of kids with me.

Nellie: OK.

Emile: By the way, I killed a guy once.

Nellie: I am not phased by that whatsoever.

Emile: So I’ll see you later?

Nellie: Totally.

-

Mary: I’m an elderly overweight Asian stereotype.

Billis:I can work with that, I guess. I’m funny, and also the best characterin the entire show, but I get no respect or credit.

(Cable enters.)

Cable: I haven’t seen a girl in a long-ass time.

Billis: You should try that island over there. They have lots of underage French Polynesian girls.

Cable: Sounds good.

Mary: Yeah, I can totally hook you up. (Whispered.) With my daughter.

Cable: What?

Mary: Nothing.

-

Nellie: So we’re in love?

Emile: Yup.

Nellie: Great.

Emile: By the way, I have two kids. There they are.

Nellie: OK, cool. They’re cute.

Emile: Their mother was Polynesian.

Nellie: WHOA. WHOA. What?!

Emile:You have a problem with that? Of all the things that I’ve told you, youhave a problem with THAT? You know I killed a guy once, right?

Nellie: Your ex was BROWN?! I can’t deal with this.

(Nellie exits.)

-

Cable: I need to get laid.

Mary: Here’s my underage daughter, Liat. Enjoy that for a while.

Cable: OK.

(Cable and Liat sleep together.)

Cable: I love you.

Liat: (In French.) I don’t understand you. Yes. No. I love you. Yes. No.

Mary:You should marry Liat. Then you could stay here and have sex all thetime. Would you like that, random American officer? Fucking my daughterall the time?

Cable: Yeah, that’d be awesome, but I have malaria. Also, I’m a little racist. But here’s your consolation prize “ a watch.

Mary: Stingy bastard.

-

Emile: Love sucks.

Cable: Totally. I’m gonna sing a creepily-up-tempo song about how racism is integrated into our culture.

Emile: I’ll just sing about how I love Nellie.

(They sing.)

Cable: Now that we’re done singing, wanna help the Americans win World War II?

Emile: Yeah, sure, I’ve got nothing else to do but take care of my two kids.

Cable: No, fuck that.

Emile: Totally.

-

Emile: Here’s some clues about where the Japanese are going.

Base: Cool, thanks.

Emile: By the way, Cable’s dead. Oh, no, airplanes.

(The radio cuts out.)

-

Nellie: I hope Emile’s OK.

Emile: Yeah, I totally am.

Nellie: Sweet. I’m not scared of your brown past anymore.

Emile: Sweet. So that’s it?

Nellie: Yup.

Emile: Cool.

END.