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105%-O-Matic

Issue One Hundred and Twenty-Four

by 105%-O-Matic on

Suitable for all ages except the Renaissance.

Door knobs have the most germs, we should stop telling people to slob on them.
-Andrew Roth
I thought it was ironic that my girlfriend had to work on “Labor” Day, though I’m assuming irony wasn’t the first thought of whoever had to clean up the placenta in her cubicle.
-Conor McKeon
I’ve known my best friend since we were in diapers. We met in 7th grade. Middle school was kind of awkward…
-Jon W
Screw Top Wines…
The motto of the people who drink them.
-Joe Petro
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for perverts.
-Andrew Berkowitz
I just quit my job at the Duty Free Shop. It was infinitely more work than I had first expected
-Brad Mettin
My girlfriend and I fuck like rabbits, while nibbling on celery.
-Patrick Cassels
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Passwords

I work in IT for a fairly well known company, but I work for one of the smaller branches. It's just me and one other person and let me just say, he isn't the brightest bulb. We are suppose to change the passwords to the computers every three months, and I was going to be gone on the day that we were suppose to do it. I wrote down the list of passwords that he needed to... Read More » change it to in an Excel doc and told him that he needed change them before he left on Friday, but after everyone is gone for the weekend. Monday I get back and everyone is asking me why they cannot get onto their computer. It turns out the guy didn't like the passwords I had created and made up his own, and then forgot what they were.