Top Annoying Professors

Congratulations! You’re a freshman in college. After shelling out $1000 for books that you will sell back at $4 at the end of the semester, and getting all types of technological gadgets whose pricetag rivals that of many third world countries’ G.D.P., you find out that you can barely understand your instructors.

This is the list of your teachers.

1. Your Foreign professor.
It does not matter how many times he repeats what he says or how slowly he says it, you still can’t understand shit! “So X ova Bee, murteepy bay receeplocol , and add Z”.
Yeah, not only is math hard, but now you have to be a certified in ESL in order to attend your classes.

2. Your fast-talking  professor.
There is so much information that needs to be learned. There is so very little time. Your fast-talking professor will speak faster than he can put down slurpees in a single gulp. You and your classmates will be amazed at your teacher’s ability to speak fast while saying absolutely nothing.

3. Your absent-minded professor.
He or she arrives at least 10 minutes late, hauling a rolling backpack filled with last weeks’s essays (if you’re lucky, and not last month’s). He/she looks like shit and obviously didn’t bother to get ready in the morning. Their casual and comfortable style suggests that they got up, gobbled a donut and ran the morning runners off the road on the way to campus. Hey…you do have something in common with your teachers.

4. Your irrelevant teacher.
You are in the class of your major, and you want and need to learn the subject matter. You kind of enjoy it. Heck, you could see yourself doing this type of thing for the rest of your life. Drawing graphs? Fuck yea! You want to be a writer? Rock on, brother!
Sadly for you and for your parents, who are footing the tuition bill, this professor will not talk about what you need in order to get a degree. Your English professor will talk about politics, your math teacher will talk about how he went golfing on the weekend, your science teacher will praise Al Gore for “exposing” the truth about global warming, and your economics teacher will not talk about economics….no, he/she will talk about his or her previous and numerous adventures while he was fighting in Vitenam.

5. Your “I dont want to be here” teacher.
This guy/woman obviously did not want to be a college professor. He may be a retired military officer who landed an easy job teaching, or a bank president who was fired after a financial snafu at a big national bank and is not teaching economics. Maybe you have the teacher who didn’t want to become a teacher, but what the hell else are they going to do with a Philosophy degree?

How can you tell if you got this instructor? Easy. Look for these signs: they show up late everyday. They rarely attend class, and when they do, they tell you how much you should be appreciative of their presence there. They hate you, and you hate them. But you better kiss ass or avoid contact if you want to pass the class.

6. Your liberal ,anti-republican, Bush-hating teacher
It rained on the way to work, BLAME BUSH! The economy sucks, Blame Bush! They don’t like the way they look, Blame Bush! They have an addiction to meth, Blame Bush. I think you’re beginning to see a pattern here, right? This is your professor who think every evil in the world is a direct result of George W. Bush.

They will hardly talk about the subject matter, and will inject their hatred for the previous president as much as they can. God forbid you disagree with them. BLAME BUSH! Look for them in your Political Science and English classes.

7. Your gay, yet surprisingly down to earth professor.
Yep, they’re gay. He/She might just scream: “I like guys” or “I like girls”. Yet these professors are probably the most easy to get along with. Why? I don’t know. They just are. You may or may not approve of their life-style, but guess what, they’re a damn good educator and you’ll probably learn alot of really cool shit.

8. Your graduate student professor.
Most universities require only a master’s degree in order to teach. Some may only require a teaching certificate. You might have a teacher who is also a student. This one can go either way, they will be very organized and on top of things, or be completely unkempt. When they return your work to you, there’s cat urine on your essay.

They may only be in their late 20’s or early 30’s, but your graduate student professor has alot of knowledge and are wise beyond their years. If you’re lucky, you’ll learn alot of cool shit. If not, you’ll learn their schedules, what classes they are taking and will learn more about what they’re learning than the class you signed up for. Freshman comp 1? No, damn it! You will hear about their Shakespearean and King Arthur seminars from graduate school.