Hello all! Ernie here, filling in for Dan. I’m not really big on important news like politics and such but I’ll give it a whack.
The Japanese Superfriends!
“Japan’s newly-elected Democratic Party (DPJ) has agreed to form a coalition with two smaller parties.”
The DPJ’s Yukio Hatoyama is set to become Japan’s next PM (Picture and Caption from BBC)
According to our Niente Peaches analysts, this party crossingco-operation will go down as yet another way that Japan upstages us inthings we claim to be best at. This along with: baseball, jazz,electronics, hot dog eating and porn consumption. You’d think that’sthe joke, but the funnier part is that it’s all true.
Greenspan Predicts We Will Suck With Money For Generations To Come!
Good news! Alan Greenspan tells us that the market will go to shitagain. He explains that this will happen because industry has alwaysbeen a varying entity since its inception and is known to take dipsevery so often. In related news, Greenspan recently bought a yacht forwhich he has dubbed himself Captain Obvious. He informed reporters thatboats tend to float on water and so that’s where his boat will go.
The People of China Have Lives and We Have Video Games.
In China today, thousands of couples are heading to the hitchingposts under the belief that getting married on 9/9/09 will have somesuperstitious value.
In Chinese, the words “nine, nine” sound the same as those for longevity (Picture and Caption from BBC)
In the U.S., record sales are anticipated for the release of TheBeatles Rock Band. So let’s get this straight, for 9/9/09 thousands ofpeople in China are getting with each other and we’re playing video games. Just wanted to clarify that.
Lisbon Judges are Trekkies
There’s something going on in Lisbon. It’s hard to tell but judging by the outfits, I’d say it’s a Star Trek convention.
Lisbon Judges (Picture from BBC)
“Q” from Star Trek
Iran’s Mushroom Cloud Soup
“Iran is moving closer to being able to make a nuclear bomb.” Whilethis is the determination of the International Atomic Energy Agency, Ahmadinejad insists that the nuclear resources are going towarddeveloping a new kind of microwave oven for his forthcoming cookingshow, starting this Fall on the Food Network .
Ahmadinejad’s Lean, Mean, NUCLEAR POWERED, cookin’ machine.
Enough of the fake stuff though. Here are the real stories:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8245483.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/8244600.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8245765.stm
http://mashable.com/2009/09/09/beatles-rockband/
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8243636.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8246110.stm
Written by: Ernie Zahn
Article Cover by: Ernie Zahn
+
-
25 Things You Hate Yourself for Saying
Honest Movie Titles: Oscars 2012
10 Reasons Why The Walking Dead Should Just Kill Carl
Every Superhero Origin Story Ever
25 Things You Say During Sex, And What You Really Mean
Weed Strains Named After People You've Smoked With
My all-dental dam band will never be this good.
All these Twitter accounts are run by Odie.
You will be more frightened while watching this video than anyone in it.
Good luck, detention monitor.
Sometimes the most timeless, magical things happen accidentally. Like farts.
When is the holiday to memorialize stupid people lighting themselves on fire?
This guy better go to the ER...which stands for the Excellence Room! Boom.
Can I apply to Facebook College?
When you use GPS, your destination is always the grave.
The fact that the Nicolas Cage Project is not funded by the federal government is a TRAVESTY.
