Confessions of a Camp Counselor

Confessions of a CampCounselor

When I tell people I work inNew York they all think the same thing; Suits, Briefcases, Investment Bankersand big corporate meetings. What they don’t realize is that I work in StatenIsland: New York’s corn hole (also known as “Little New Jersey”). I work in aJewish day camp, which has about all the fun and excitement of anything thatBen Stein does. Here is a sampling of the different types of boys I have todeal with in camp.

Over protective parents

You know your dealing withthis kid if he has a fanny pack with 2   Epi-pens and a prescription for kiddy Zoloft. Mangos,Peanuts, Eggs, Anthrax and Strawberries are all on the 7-page list of stuffthat “Anaphylactic” Johnny can’t go near. He has a cell phone that is programmedwith 3 numbers; His parents, poison control and the US army.

Future convicted Fellon

“You can’t trade away Avi’scards to Jared without Avi’s permission”.

In 30 years this kid will beon the cover of every newspaper in handcuffs. How do I know this? Because ourlittle “Madoff” just committed a Ponzi scheme with Yugioh cards. Somehow thiskid pays off the Janitorial staff to make his Popsicle stick birdhouse for him.Only 1 grader you know that owns a leather jacket and hair gel.

Future mayor of SanFransisco

“What was your favoriteactivity today?” “Changing in the bunk before swim with the other boys”. Thiskid practically farts sparkles and lollipops. Somehow he manages to get thelead roll in the camp play “Annie”. Soccer? Tennis? T-ball? Hell no, He is theonly boy in the bunk that is excited for Dance and knows who Kristi Yamaguchiis.

Kid with Hippy Yuppieparents

Parentsmet at a screening of  “Aninconvenient truth”. 9 months later baby Hunter/Xander/Tyler/Aiden/Caleb wasborn. He comes to camp wearing his “Property of an Obama-mama” and “Save DarfurNow” t-shirts. At the age of 5 he can school you not only on the logistics ofsocialized healthcare but can fashion a pictogram that illustrates why a womanhas a right to “choose” out of play dough. This kid brings his own organiccrackers to camp for snack as if ice pops are below him.  His parent’s refuse to buy him Tonkatrucks, rather they opt for the much more energy efficient Prius line of toycars. Will grow up to own several tweed jackets and teach art history at NYU.