Alex Schmidt

This Week In History: September 14th-20th, 2109 A.D.

Monday, September 14th: On this day 100 years ago, The Jay Leno Show premiered in the 10PM slot on NBC, scoring big ratings. It was the start of the second of Leno’s four major hosting gigs, following The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (1992-2009), and preceding The Still Before Conan Show (2013-2018), and the “Petroleum-Powered Vehicles” segment on Antiques Roadshow (2018-2023).

Tuesday, September 15th: On this day 100 years ago, Our Benevolent World Government, then known as “Facebook”, reached the milestone of 300 million users, and reported its first net quarterly profit. Praise be to Our Wise Leader, Emperor Mark Zuckerberg.

Wednesday, September 16th: On this day 100 years ago, film star Megan Fox posed for the cover of the October issue of Rolling Stone. Knowing that such a cover exists, it’s hard not to stop working and look up the pictu

Thursday, September 17th: On this day 100 years ago, the Massachusetts state legislature voted to allow their governor to appoint recently deceased Senator Edward Kennedy’s replacement. Can you believe that this was once the standard practice for replacing deceased office holders? Things were weird before widespread human cloning.

Friday, September 18th: On this day 100 years ago, CBS’ Guiding Light wrapped production for good, after a 72-year run that began on radio in 1937 and continued onto television. It was the longest running show in television history, though Larry King Live broke that record with its celebratory “King of the Airwaves” episode in 2058. Larry King hosted.

Saturday, September 19th: On this day 100 years ago, a Gay Pride March in Serbia was called off after police told organizers they could not guarantee its safety. Though disappointing, it wasn’t as bad as in 2027, when the organizers of Serbia’s We Have A Decent Standard of Living March had to cancel due to a lack of participation.

Sunday, September 20th: On this day 100 years ago, the 61st Primetime Emmy Awards were held, with the leading nomination-getters, NBC’s 30 Rock and AMC’s Mad Men, winning the Oustanding Comedy Series and Outstanding Drama Series awards respectively. Wait, what? You haven’t seen Mad Men yet? What have you been doing all century, it’s soooooo good.

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Skinny biking

After a night (more like during) of heavy drinking, my friend and I were riding bikes around our little island town in the Florida Keys. We rode past a balcony of girls who began hollering and whistling for us. we stopped around the corner, which was the last sober or sound decision we made that night. We decided it would be in our best interest as well for the sake of... Read More » humor, to do one more lap around that particular block, only without any clothes on. My friend went first, shooting around the block and disappearing behind the corner. I followed behind only to realize as I was turning the corner that I was riding directly in front of the headlights of a god damned cop car. I began hauling ass (still naked) through this residential neighborhood eventually ditching into someone's front yard. The cops spotted my bike and flashed the spot light on my very white ass. I came out with my hands up. After an hour of sitting on the curb sans clothes, while more and more cops showed up ( several of which I went to High School with) They only charged me with going down a one way and running a stop sign. My friend made it one more block further than me and made it home free.