Issue #12

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I work for a major restaurant chain. When I was a host, my job included cleaning tables. I had sat a trashy group (one that only came in on Kids Eat Free night) in a particularily large table as they had requested. As they were eating their meal, I noticed the lady pull out her diaper bag and proceed to change her child on the table in the middle of the dinner rush. Without skipping a beat, she tossed the dirty diaper on an empty side plate and pushed it to the end of the table, leaving it there when she left.
-Scott

I was an intern at a retirement home, and my main responsibilities were to provide emotional and psychological support to the seniors. One lady, in a wheelchair, in her 80’s, signaled me over to talk to her. She asked, “Are you a man?” I replied, “Uh, yes.” She says, “I don’t believe you.” I reply, “Um, but I am.” She says, “PROVE IT.” And then she proceeded to grab my balls.
-Jimmy

I used to work at a large chain book store in California. One day a fat middle aged female customer came up to the customer service desk and asked for a copy of the book that had Jesus in it. She was of course referring to the Bible.
-Anonymous

I just got directions to an office party. It was a printed, then scanned copy of the overview screen of Google maps. All I have is a long squiggly line with no address. I might get “lost” tomorrow.
-Mitchell

I work at a grocery store and during certain shifts I am in charge of the self scanners.  One of the more annoying aspects of the machines is that it won’t let you start an order unless there is nothing resting on the scanner itself.  One day, a customer was standing at the scanner and the order wouldn’t start for about a minute because there was something on the scanner.  Upon closer inspection, I realized that there wasn’t any item on the scanner, but instead, that the customer was so obese that their stomach was resting on the scanner and holding up the order.  I didn’t have the heart to say anything so I just let her stand there for a few more minutes until she got pissed and went to a normal check out lane.
-Tim

I’m a senior developer at a software consultancy firm. The pay is great, the work is good, but ultimately my experience there can be boiled down to this one fact:
my male, 30-year-old boss, calls me “pumpkin.”
-Anonymous

I’m a manager for Applebee’s, and it is not very often I come across something so ridiculous that I won’t have someone else do it for me. Before I get to the main part of the story, I have to say that I know who the obese specimen of human being was that is responsible for this. I had a guy come up to me and tell me that there was something wrong in the mens room. I went into one of the stalls to find that there was a massive stool in the bowl, so big it wouldn’t flush. I had to get one of our steak knives and cut the uber-turd into smalled chunks so that it would go down. Gross. I threw away the knife, and I hate that fat man.
-Joe H.