A Profound Debate Between a Self-Described Alcoholic and an Actual Alcoholic

Lindz Cramer, Luvs 2 Party!!!!

“P-A-R-T-Why? Cuz I gotta!

I am such an alcoholic, omg its soooo bad.  Me and my girls go out like almost every night. I love my wifeys!!! We even hit up the bars on Tuesdays sometimes!! (We call em Tipsy Tuesdays, LoL)  This one time last semester, I was gonna stay in on a Thursday (for the first time ever!!) cuz I had a final in the morning, but this guy that I was talking to at the time, Josh, was having ‘Totally Wasted 80’s Night’ at his frat. Think I just stayed in and studied? Hell, no! I called my girls like ‘Its time to party, baby! Woooo!’ Can you believe it? I’m such an alkie! And I even passed my final, even though I was sooo hungover. But thats what college is all about, baby! Gettin wild!”

Bob Gordon, Recovering Alcoholic

“C-R-Why? Because my wife left me.

Alcohol completely destroyed my life. I used to be an English teacher at a prestigious boarding school, but my real dream was to write. After every publisher in the fucking country turned me down and my agent dropped me, the only place I could go to clear my head was the bar. At that point, I was going straight to bar after work, and only stumbling home at 3:00 in the morning to pass out. The only time I ever saw my kids was when they would start crying during one of the nightly sceaming matches I had with my wife. Then one night at the bar, this rich prick called me a “pathetic slob.” So I stabbed that motherfucker with a toothpick right in his goddamn eyeball. I spent six months in jail for that one. Needless to say, I lost my job and the wife took off with the kids.

After I got out of prison, I decided I needed to put the bottle down. I’ve been sober now for one year, seven months, and twenty-two days. But I’ll be damned if I don’t crave the booze every waking second. Just one drink, just one fucking shot would make everything better again. But I can’t! I think if I stay sober, then maybe the judge will let me see my kids again. Goddamnit I miss them….. I miss them so much…… so fucking much…..”