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105%-O-Matic

105%: Issue One Hundred and Twenty-Six

by 105%-O-Matic on

Shark Week

Did you hear the one about the appendix? It’s a real side-splitter!
-Ryan Manning
I walked in on my parents having sex
You should see my face on the video tape
-Joseph Flowers
Confused Entourage Fan at the Emmys
“How the hell did Kevin Dillon miss out on a best drama nomination again?”
-Jim Awesome
Douchebag? Or Schizophrenic Douchebag?
I think my sick Ed Hardy shirt speaks for itself.
-Conor McKeon
I just got done reading a book about podiatry. The footnotes were incredible.
-Joey Diaferia
Ex-Girlfriends are like assholes…
…I’m sorry, let me rephrase that. Ex-Girlfriends are assholes.
-Adrian Flores
Two Words Guys Hate
Don’t and stop. Unless you put them together.
-Miraj N
The Camera Adds Ten Pounds
I find chewing through the lenses to be the toughest part.
-Ryan Manning
I would say that weak ejaculation is my only shortcoming in life.
-Raj Clark
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Passwords

I work in IT for a fairly well known company, but I work for one of the smaller branches. It's just me and one other person and let me just say, he isn't the brightest bulb. We are suppose to change the passwords to the computers every three months, and I was going to be gone on the day that we were suppose to do it. I wrote down the list of passwords that he needed to... Read More » change it to in an Excel doc and told him that he needed change them before he left on Friday, but after everyone is gone for the weekend. Monday I get back and everyone is asking me why they cannot get onto their computer. It turns out the guy didn't like the passwords I had created and made up his own, and then forgot what they were.