Roommate Confessions: Issue 96

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

Hey neighbors to the north, remember how I asked you to keep your parties down some nights because I have to get up REALLY early for clinical? Well, I’m sure you’ll see my point when I play something really inspiring, like Ride of the Valkyries, at full volume, to wake myself up at 4:30, on the speakers that are mounted facing the wall we share.

H.A., ISU

I replaced the filling of your pillow with old asbestos insulation. Next time I go out of town don’t have sex in my bed cause you’re too lazy to put sheets on yours.
Andrew , Iowa State University

A few friends and I, including our RA, penny locked a entire floor of our building, which just so happened to be the girl’s floor. We walked up after to see the aftermath, and drunk girls were beating on their doors at 4 am trying to get in and out, but no luck. Their floor now has to pay for the locksmith coming out at 4:30 to unjam the doors and overtime since it was in the middle of the night.
Anonymous, UNCC

Hey Jennifer, you massive cunt. You hid your paper towels in your room so I wouldn’t be able to use them, yet you didn’t have a problem using up the ones I kindly left in the kitchen. I used your coffee maker once and you take the coffee pot out and hide it in your room. You’re the type of person who wouldn’t lend me toilet paper if I had explosive diarrhea. Well, I have another suggestion of shit that you should hide in your room so I won’t use it. You know that sponge you use to scrub your pots and pans? I used it to scrub out my cats litter box.
Maria Castles, UCLA

Hey, guys who put that used condom on my door handle! Remember how we had a good laugh about that? Yeah. Remember how I was in the cadets and had my engineering major roommate wire a dozen makeshift flash-bang grenades to go off at 1:00 AM? Remember how I hid them in your sofa and under your pillows? Remember how you spent a week in the hospital with burns and a busted ear drum? Remember how I had a good laugh about that? Yeah.
Clay Long, VT

Submit yours here!