What Wouldn't Jesus Do

What would Jesus do? OK, that’s a valid question kid who is “saving himself for marriage” butI feel like what Jesus wouldn’t do is stuff that I would be more likely toaccomplish.  Now I’m not saying I haveloose morals or anything like that but can we take a look at some of the stuffthe “Bearded One” has accomplished.  Heturned water to wine (and that was just to start off). That would be prettycool actually, and make you markedly more popular at an Italian fratparty.  Then he stopped a storm just byasking nicely. This is just asking for lawsuits, especially during hurricaneseason, for example.

Scene: Hurricane Katrina

Tom: Wow it’s getting pretty bad out there. What should do?

Larry (looks at WWJD bracelet): Don’t worry, I got this.

Larry goes outside and BOOM! Volvo straight to the dome andthat is the only way I can see it happening. Then Jesus goes on to cure leprosy and raise people from the dead. TheDEAD! Death is usually pretty permanent, and to completely nullify that fact isa big deal.

 

Now, I’m not here to go all Sunday morning worship on yourass, but with a little background we can move on to other things. Like whatwouldn’t Jesus do, this is where the rest of us step in. 

1)     Delegate- Jesus couldn’t do that. I mean I’msure he tried to make getting nailed to a cross sound like a sweet party thateveryone would be at , but no one would take his spot.

2)     Sex- This one is controversial, but Jesus wassaid to have never been able to nail…bad choice of words.

3)     Eat a burger on Fridays- This just sucks, whichis why I’m glad I was raised Catholic, because as long as you go to confessionyou and the big man are all good.

4)     Dirty Jokes- I’m just guessing someone who wasgoing to die for sins would never be able to make his own version of theAristocrats. “The father, I, and the holy spirit go in to a talent agent….”

5)     Stare at boobs- And why would you need to whenyour pops made boobs. Just ask for some for your birthday (aka Christmas).

I figured I have probably offended enough people by now.  The End.