The Best Ever

Why Weekend At Bernie’s is the best movie ever:
He was dead and he still got more vagina than all of you.

Why The Matrix: Revolutions is the second best movie ever:
It’s the only movie to create a script by using a random word generator and still rob enough people of $9 to make them look stupid.

Why Color Me Badd’s song ‘I wanna Sex You Up’ is the best song ever:
Besides putting Oklahoma on the map, the only way to get this song out of your head is with a sawed off shotgun.

Why Emeril is the most misunderstood/brilliant person in the world:
Tourrette’s Syndrome didn’t stop this stroke victim from jizzing in apple sauce and calling it gourmet.

Why calling someone a ‘turkey’ is the best insult ever:
No one will ever want to kick your ass after being called a turkey, plus you can give your grandfather a heart attack since it’s the equivalent of dropping the f-bomb in 1920.

Why George Bush is the best Governor of all time:
Huh? He’s president?!? Holy crap.

Why Rutgers Men’s Crew is the best team ever:
Being cut will afford Ray Rice and Brian Leonard to get new shoes.

Why stop signs are the best signs ever:
Without them, people would be driving all willy nilly. Honestly, who wants that.

Why condoms are the best contraceptive ever:
You can empty the contents into apple sauce to make a low grade Emeril meal, then wash it out and use it again.

Why you can’t eat in the computer lab:
There’s no jizz in your apple sauce.


And finally, the best haiku ever:
You’ve contracted AIDS,
Try to look at the bright side,
At least you’re not black.

Later Gator.