Schiano To Possibly Run For God

   The success of the Rutgers football team has thrust some of the key players into the limelight, but the program turn around is credited to none other than head coach Greg Schiano. The Louisville upset has created speculation of a possible Schiano run for God in ’08. The current God has been negligent at best these past few billion years, and voters say it’s time for a change. The golden statue of Schiano which will be visible from space is already under construction and took the entire school and state budget to build, but University President McCormick had this to say, “No, I’m just exhausted ‘cause I’ve been up all night drinking.” Schiano has not immediately returned calls regarding a possible campaign, but has mentioned in the past that owning the Universe is one of his goals at Rutgers. Already being worshipped by many fans, and at least respected across the country, experts say he could cruise to a victory if he decided to run. We expect Schiano to make a statement sometime this week, possibly about chopping, chopping wood, wood chopping, the chop, the wood chop, chopping away, keep chopping, keeping wood, wooding away, chopping keep, keeping away, or any combination of the previously mentioned phrases.