From the Eyes of a Freshman: First Real College Experience

     So, here I was … the little Freshman from a sheltered Jewish private school… Just walking outside with roomie & her Musical Theatre entourage.. When we run into 2 kids from one of my classes.

     One of them is highhhh; the other – I can smell the scotch on his breath from 5 feet away (…Scotch? Really? My grandfather drinks scotch…) Anyway. they call me over, and I’m like “yay I have friends at college.” Roomie & friends go up to one of their rooms for a minute and I stay downstairs with these poor souls, waiting for the crew to return.

     So scotch guy (who’s british-ish …. been in america for 4 years so his accent is shitty… and apparently completely non-existent when he’s drunk… questionable?) – he starts rapping out of fucking nowhere. While stoner… who happens to be the most white kid ever (but, by definition of “white,” does not know it..) is intermitently sticking in “HOLLER“s …and bouncing to the beat. Yes, bouncing.

    So I’m like “oh man you rap” and they both stop. Brit closes the notebook he was reading the words from, looks at me with the most serious expression ever and says “No. Slam Poetry” then re-opens it, closes it again and says “Can you feel this?” (makes me touch the notebook) “This is about a girl. You know a girl just playing with my heart. Making me wait for her. JERKing me around” He reopens it, clears his throat, and…  the poem was not bad (if only the “HOLLER“s were less frequent…) and he then confesses to me who this girl is. She’s a girl I know from my dorm and he’s on her floor and he met her 3 weeks ago and he looks at me, and he says, “I want to marry her.” He says, “I’m in love with her. And do you know what she said to me? She said this!” … he flips through his notebook, and points at the line “You’re stuck with me” He closes the notebook. “SHE TOLD ME I’M STUCK WITH HER. I AM. OHMY… She looked me in the eye and told me I’m the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with..”

    So whitey had apparently walked off at some point during this story, and was replaced with a stoner girl… who had neon metallic paint on her face. Looked like warpaint. And she says, “WOW. this is so beautiful. I want this to happen to me. why don’t beautiful things happen to me?” I’m like “Really? You’re freshmen” and Brit says “YEA I KNOW THAT’S WHAT MY LOVE SAYS. SHE SAYS she’s in love with me but she wants to be a freshman and mess around with all of these other guys!” I sent him my condolences, “uhm I’m sorry dude that sucks” … and he keeps going on about this girl… and then just walks away, WHILE STILL TALKING TO ME.

… never/always walking around college at night again