Issue #15

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I work for a large retail corporation as a plain-clothes security/loss prevention officer. I was watching this wannabe gangsta one day in the boys department when I noticed he unzipped his pants. I thought the guy was gonna shove some shirts down his pants and make a run for it. Nope! Instead he whipped it out and starting peeing on EVERYTHING…EVERYTHING! I waited until the guy was done (I didn’t want to be rude) and approached him. We ended up having a fight in the parking lot and he dislocates my shoulder. When I come back into the store, the customers are yelling at me like i was the bad guy. I hope they wear his urine.
-Abel

I work at a behavioral home for mentally insane people that have committed crimes. While breaking up a fight between two patients, one of them grabbed my balls as hard as he could for like 5 seconds. I had to spend the next 8 hours in the hospital and get an ultrasound done on my goods.
-Anonymous

My boss called me into his office yesterday to inform me he would be gone the next day. He explained that one day last week he went to the copy room to use a stapler and it was empty. He didn’t fill it and instead was tracking how long it took before the office manager filled it. He wanted me to check it when he wasnt there and record it on his log. I left his office and went to the copy room and yes, one of the six staplers was empty. I filled it.
-Anonymous

I work at the on-campus pub at my school, in the kitchen making pub food, and also as cashier for take out. One guy came in and asked what was on a poutine, so I explained it was just  the regular…fries, cheese, gravy. He responded with “Ooooh. That sounds dirty…” and winked, then added “…ya, I’m hitting on you WHILE I order.” I ended up hiding in the walk-in fridge while my coworker made his food for him.
-Anonymous

I work at a place that sells dvds, cds, anime and action figures of anime/movies that just came out (ie. Star Trek).  One day, I was stuck talking to a customer for well over thirty minutes about his Star Trek collection and how he has hundreds of toys/figurines from the show.  He then proceeded to tell me how he has over 150 Gundam action figures (both “good and bad guys!”) and that if I wanted, I could come over and play.  All I would have to do is “decide whether or not you want to be a good guy or a bad guy.”
-Amanda, GMU

During my freshman year in college I was hired at a Target near my house, well I’m always mistaken to be Hispanic all the time and I had become use to it. One day this old hispanic lady had come in and tried speaking spanish to me, I tried to be polite and say “oh I’m sorry I don’t speak spanish“  instead of accepting it she instead decide to whack me with her purse two times and start ed yelling and swearing at me in ENGLISH saying I was a disgrace to all Mexicans and that I should be ashamed that I don’t even know my own native language. I’m from Pakistan.
-Anonymous

I used to work at a small, hometown pharmacy. One day I got a phone call from a really old lady who used to call us a couple of times everyday. She wanted to place an order for delivery, as we delivered to the old folks home for free everyday. She made me check to see if the vaginal cream she needed included an applicator. Then she told “Oh, f*ck it, I just use my fingers”, and gave me a very detailed explanation of how she does just that.
-Lauren, PSU