Issue #16

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I work at a party store, specifically in the balloon department. A week ago, one customer spent fifteen minutes crying on my shoulder because she was buying sixteen balloons to release into the sky, all in the color of the coat she was wearing when her husband tried to strangle her to death two years ago.
-Anonymous

I work in a Halloween store. Every day last week I was asked where to find plus sized slutty costumes.
-D

I was once working a catering party when an old man walked up to me and said something to me is Spanish. I blink my eyes and say ‘What?’ The old man once again says the same phrase to me in Spanish. I look at him and tell him that I don’t understand Spanish. He laughs and tells me it’s ok, he was just messing with me. He then turns around, looks at the room and yells “WHERE AM I???”
-Jason, CUNY Queens College

I work for the phone and internet repair and installation company on campus. I was cutting three large blue cables, that my boss advised me were ok to cut. I cut the first one, no problem. I cut the second one, a little bit of trouble so I skipped it. I went to the third one, cut it no problem. I went back to the second one, pressed really hard on the cutter then a giant spark came up. I apparently cut a power line to some of the servers. My co-worker told me afterward that there was enough electricity in that power cord to kill 5 people.
-Mike Edmondson, Fresno State

I work as a paramedic in an inner city.  One day while transporting a nasty intoxicated old skeeze I was subject to some very classy pickup attempts.  After making her intentions known, she made a grab at my junk while I was taking her blood pressure.  After informing her that this type of behavior would not be tolerated, she preceeded to tell me that she wanted to run her toes through my hair.  When I asked if she meant her fingers she responded with, “ you f*ckin heard me” ( nasty crack voice ).  To add insult to injury her drunk ass puked in my ambulance just as we pulled into the ER parking lot.
-Andy

Today at a pizza place I work at, we got an order for 20 boxes of BBQ wings with 2 large veggie pizzas and four 2-liters of sprite. when I delivered her order it took me 3 trips to get all off her order to her house from my car. the total of the order came to $190.53 she handed me $200 which would have been a great tip! But instead she told me that I owe her $9.47. After she told me this I went back to my car got out my change holder and gave her $5 in ones, three 1 dollar coins and $1.47 in pennies.
-Anonymous

I work at a local grocery store. I was walking back to our employee restroom in the back of the store one day. I saw a co-worker who we called, “big Mike,” gleefully open the door of the bathroom and turned to walk past me. He looked at me, out of the corner of his eye, laughing ever so slightly. I walked towards what was certain doom. The toilet had been desimated…a wasteland of horrors not seen for a thousand years. I mopped, a co-worker named, “brian,” plunged, and the manager flushed the toilet vigorously with his foot. …and somehow…that two gallons of what appeared to be, “rancid guacamole,” was forced into the grocery store’s sewer system…part time jobs.
-Patrick