Swine Flu Can Suck it

As we speak I am in the health center waiting to see if I have the  terrifying swine flu. My gut tells me yes, but only Dr. J, not the dr. pepper spokesmen, can really tell me.

It’s whack and heres why.

1) I have never and will never eat my food out of a trough.
2) I have two exams this week and If I miss them they are going to cut into my winter break.
3) I have to wear a ridiculous face protecter and feel like something out of I Am Legend
4) The nurses are all really scared of me, they are keeping a minimum of six feet distance from me and are talking to me like I’m a mentally challenged toddler, or a foriegner.
5) It’s a nice day, I planned on playing frisbee in around an hour. Kiss that goodbye. I was going to be picked around the middle of the pack, now if I get picked at all its certain to be dead last. Nobody wants to share a frisbee with a swine man.
6) The workers refuse to use the words swine or flu, It’s like Harry Potter will Voldemort. I asked one of them, “ do you think I have swine.” She cringed like someone punched her in the stomach and told me,“time will tell.” Thats very reassuring.
7) If I do have it, its because I got way too hammered this weekend, and was sharing drinks with my fellow college compadres. Whose going to turn down a free shot? Thats right! nobody!


Feels great to have that off my chest. Still waiting here for Dr J, maybe will be waiting damn day. At least, the Halloween decorations are nice.


- Swine Stud