If God Sent Jesus Off To College

God: Well my boy, there comes a day in a dad’s life when he must send his son off into the real world. And that day is today. The world is a brutal place son but I know you’ll be ok

Jesus: Well Dad, thanks for making it a brutal place. Plus, of course I’ll be ok because I am divine and all that shit.

God: Just watch out that’s all I’m saying. My college days were wild I’ve got to say. That was back when I had that college project to make the universe.

Jesus: Judging by the results I suppose you were drunk when you did the project.

God: You know your old man too well. Anyway, it was cool because I hooked up with your mother. It was pretty sweet.

Jesus: Yeah Dad, thanks for paying attention to her and me 9 months after that.

God: Eh I got busy fighting that evil guy named Lucifer from my rival frat. Anyway, what are you planning on studying in college?

Jesus: I guess carpentry. Joseph wants me to do that.

God: Ugg your stupid stepdad is always getting in the way of everything. Well, have you considered studying theology?

Jesus: I don’t want to study about you Dad!

God: Oh come on. Well let me ask you this: Are you going to drink when you get there?

Jesus: Well I can turn water into wine so hell yeah.

God: What organizations are you going to join?

Jesus: Probably Student Peace Alliance. And definitely the Christian Club

God: Ah you just want people to talk about you all day!

Jesus: Well you get talked about too. For example, when I hook up with some of the girls they will be shouting out “Oh” followed by your name the whole way through.

God: Ah that takes me back to the good ol’ days of college when I had many a lass play with my divine rod.

Jesus: Oh gross Dad. I don’t want to hear about that.

God: I had many girls feel the power of God inside of them.

Jesus: Thanks for making this really awkward.

God: I’m sorry. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, are you going to join a fraternity?

Jesus: Of course. With all of those girls saying “Jesus this party is cray cray,” I think I will be a natural fit there.

God: Great. The only question I have left was who are you rooming with?

Jesus: Some awesome guys named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. They’ve always said they wanted to write a book about me. Those dudes are so drunk all the damn time though that they might get some facts mixed up about my life.

God: Oh well. I’ll help them out with their book if they need it.

Jesus: Thanks Dad. I guess this is goodbye for now

God: Yes it is. Goodbye son. Oh yeah, I almost forgot — Watch out for your friend Judas. I don’t trust that kid.

Jesus: Yeah yeah Dad. I’ll remember!