Roommate Confessions: Issue 100

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

Hey Roomie! You know how you always steal everyone’s food and drinks and never owned up to it? Well for the past 4 months every time I cook something I make sure to save a little for you and leave it in the fridge. And just to give it that extra little bit of flavor I mix in moldy catfood and my hermit crab’s droppings. Hope you enjoy that gourmet sh*t you fat b*tch.
Jay B., School Not Given

Hey Nuccio, sorry about putting one of our other roommate’s (whom you had some tension with) phone numbers in the pocket of your girlfriend’s jean skirt that she had left out on your bed. I thought you would realize it was a joke the way I left the note blatantly sticking out of the pocket and really couldn’t have predicted your reaction.
Cameron, UMass

Remember when you were cheating with my girlfriend? I do too. Remember that time you woke up duct taped to a chair in her dress in the commons area after fucking her and passing out? I know I sure do.
Drew Phillips, N.C. State

My roommate doesn’t get laid very often, not that I hold that against him. Hell, I’m glad his current girlfriend is into freaky sex stuff. All I asked of him was is that he keep his door shut to his room so that when I bring a girl home they don’t see fucking leather straps and handcuffs. Well, he continues to do it. So, I stole the key to his handcuffs. And I’m going out of town for the weekend. Have fun fucker.
Ed, School Not Given

Brittannie: first of all, teach your trashy mother how to spell a simple name right. It makes you look retarded right off the bat, but then again, perhaps she knew it would be fitting later on in life. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for fucking your disgusting, college dropout boyfriend on our kitchen counter freshman year. The very same counter where we would all prepare the food that we ate every day. I decided to return the favor by poking holes in every last one of your condoms. After we all left the suite that you had infested with your hair tumble weeds that resembled pubes, I heard you had gotten knocked up. Sucks. Make sure you clean off your own kitchen counter after your raunchy sex before you feed your bastard child. Miss you Suitie!
Erika, School Not Given

Submit yours here!