Issue #17

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I’m an inner city firefighter. The other day I was loading a 97 year old patient into the ambulance. I’m on the end of the cot raising him up. His feet were sticking off the end. I see some gross stuff, but I can’t take feet. As I lifted his nasty, yellow, cheese smelling feet, they rubbed all the way up my chest. I looked down just in time to meet his Frito looking big toenail with my chin. Took me twenty minutes to spray my puke off of my gear.
-Eric

I’m a second year teacher who teaches a government class for 12th graders. Yesterday, half of one class thought that Washington D.C. was actually in Washington state.
-Anonymous

I used to work at a crappy old cinema during college. The manager was so cheap he’d understaff – so I’d usually be the ticket taker and also run the concession stand — so when people walked in I’d shout for them to come over to me so I could tear their ticket. The manager also insisted we stood at our “post” for our entire shift. That’s why I regularly pissed in the concession stand’s tiny under-the-counter sink. And yes, on more than one occasion customers walked in while I did it. They couldn’t see anything so I just acted like nothing was going on and kept my junk under the counter.
-Travis

I’m part of a recruitment team at my office, and my daily routine involves cold-calling potential candidates to arrange interview sessions for them. Despite the fact that I send e-mails with the complete interview address, they always call me back on the day of the interview to enquire the address. One time, a girl called me to have her interview postponed and she asked for the full address again. She went to get a paper and a pen to write it down, while I waited. For a whole 10 minutes, and I can still hear her talking to a guy in the background. Apparently she forgot that I was still on the line, and she was having sex.
-Erin

I’m a body piercer and a couple weeks ago I had to pierce the worst customer ever.  She wanted her tongue pierced, so I took her back to my piercing room and set up, and the whole time she was telling about how scared she was.  Well I clamp her tongue and tell her to stick it out as far as she can and to keep it out.  She started to jerk her tongue back, so I told her again that it was very important that she keep her tongue out.  After she jerks her tongue back three more times I tell her if she cant keep her tongue out I wont pierce her.  Well she jerked her tongue back again and somehow manages to spit a loogie at me at the same time.  It landed right on my top lip.
-Tessa

I used to work at a local version of Applebees; basically a moderately priced family restaurant full of teeny boppers and old people (aka no tips).  One night as I was delivering drinks to a table of 5, a 7 year old shoved me as he was running by forcing me to spill an entire tray of drinks all over a customer.  Apparently he was trying to get to the bathroom to throw up.  He didn’t make it. 
-JB

A guy came into my video store and yelled, “WHERE DA PORNOS AT!?”
-Paul