Put two tables side by side
Divide Teams into Allies and Axis powers USA, Britain, Toadsuckers (France) vs. Germany, Italy, and Japan to keep it simple for non-dartmouth students
For this rough outline, we'll say each country is represented by one player, making a tidy 3 on 3 game
13 cups to represent the 13 original colonies.
Cups can be arranged however the US fucking wants to arrange them. All right? I said, ALL RIGHT???
Player representing US can declare 1 "bomb-drop" at any time on Japan, worth four cups; 1 "to hell with hitler" on Germany, worth three cups; and 1 "Munch on this, Mussolini" on Italy, worth two cups.
If US player declares on Japan and misses, it's one cup anyway cause we are talking about a "bomb-drop" here
If US player declares on Germany and misses, US player has to make a derogatory anti-semitic joke and throw the hial hitler sign
If US player declares on Italy and misses, nothing happens. what the hell is Italy going to do about it anyway?
5 cups to represent the number of normal-looking teeth in a British person's mouth
Cups should be zig-zagged to represent how teeth look in a British person's mouth
Britain can declare 1 "Bloody hell" on any opponent. This is worth two cups. If the "Bloody hell" is unsuccessful, the British player says .."oh, bloody hell" and that's pretty much the end of his/her turn
Toadsuckers (Again, this means France)
2 cups to represent the number of cool things about France (1. The sexual term "Eiffel Tower" and 2. Tony Parker because he snagged Eva Longoria)
Cups must be placed off in the corner to represent the way the sniveling french cower from battle
France has no declaration privileges. Why would they?
10 cups to represent the number of strands of hair in Hitler's moustache
Cups should be arranged in a rigid, stick up the ass kind of arrangement
Germany can declare 1 "deustchland" on the Allies, worth 3 cups of their choice; 1 "auschwitz" worth two cups, and 1 "blitzkrieg" in which they get a free bounce (no blocking) worth two cups
If the German player misses the "deustchland," that player must sing the U.S. national anthem while saluting the US player
If Germany misses the "auschwitz," the US player can "Schindler's List" Germany with a rebuttle shot. The rebuttle shot does not count as the US player's turn, and is worth one cup if hit.
If Germany misses the "blitzkrieg," the ramones' "blitzkrieg bop" is immediately played on the stereo and the german player has to admit an undying affection for the song
5 cups to represent Fabio Cannavarro, whose favorite number is "5"
Cups should be arranged in a slight curvature to look like an italian sausage
Italy can declare 1 "Leaning Tower of Pisa," during which the Italian player can lean as far over the table as they want, worth 3 cups; and 1 "Colliseum" worth two cups
If Italy misses the "Leaning Tower," the italian player must take a full step back on his/her next shot attempt
If Italy misses the "Colliseum," the italian player is immediately fed to a lion.
5 cups to represent the weight (in hundreds) of the nation's greatest Sumo wrestlers
Cups should be arranged to resemble a Samurai sword
Japan can declare 1 "Nagasaki's Revenge" on the US. If the Japanese player hits a US cup, it is worth three.
Japan can declare 1 "Samurai Shot" in which he harnesses his mental abilities, closes his eyes and shoots. If he hits a cup with his eyes closed, it is worth three cups.
If the Japanese player misses "Nagasaki's Revenge," that player must inject himself with radioactive uranium and drink from his beverage
If the Japanese player misses "Samurai Shot," that player is forced to sit through War of the Worlds (Tom Cruise's worst film to date)
× Share with friend