NBA Predictions 2009-10

• Celtics newcomer Rasheed Wallace adds depth and versatility to the Celtics, helping them set new league records in several statistical categories: # of technicals, # of different reasons for receiving a technical, # of complaints regarding receiving a technical, and # of inexplicable patches of white hair on a black man's head.
• Lakers newcomer Ron Artest solidifies Los Angeles with a steady approach and sound technique.  But that's just the L.A. music scene, I have no idea if he'll help the Lakers or not.
• Allen Iverson breaks his own practice time to game time ratio by thousands of percentage points, missing every team practice to save his energy and inner strength to hog the ball for 82 more grueling games at the age of 33.
• Kevin Garnett trash talks his own ball boy and makes him cry like a Big Baby would.
• LeBron James gives the refs even more crab dribbles, which is cured only by constant baby powder and extreme Gold Bond: Crotch Edition.