Why in the hell would you want to learn tips on being a creeper??? Easy. Firstly, if you ARE interested in a girl on campus, then you want to AVOID all of the examples below. Of course, you can always do these things out of humor to make your girl of interest laugh too – as long as she knows its a joke. Some guys actually do some of these things for sport. They just like to see reactions. Perhaps, you may be interested in partaking such a sport when you see the examples. Perhaps not. Whatever the case, this information WILL be useful to you in just about any situation on campus. Having said that; you should definitely read it, study it, and live by it…
#1 Dorm Room Etiquette
-When you become over the age of 22, move into a dorm room with all the incoming freshmen.
-If one of your fellow roommates has a female friend over, now would be a great time to jump in the shower. After 5 minutes in the shower, stop what you are doing and start moaning incessantly.
-Slide your Student ID or Drivers License underneath a girl’s door. When you are confronted by her, lie unconvincingly about how your jackass roommates did it.
-If you know you will have a female over in your room, print out a picture of her and hang it on the ceiling where you sleep. If you can’t find a picture of her, hang 10+ pictures of just yourself around the room.
-If one of your fellow roommates has a female friend over, now would be a great time to jump in the shower. After 5 minutes in the shower, stop what you are doing and start moaning incessantly.
-Slide your Student ID or Drivers License underneath a girl’s door. When you are confronted by her, lie unconvincingly about how your jackass roommates did it.
-If you know you will have a female over in your room, print out a picture of her and hang it on the ceiling where you sleep. If you can’t find a picture of her, hang 10+ pictures of just yourself around the room.
#2 On the Way to Class
-Find a target female that has the same class as you. Every night for 30 nights, write a poem about her. Once you have compiled your poems, “accidently” run into her on the way to class and drop all 30 poem on the ground around her.
-Hide in a tree for the night. Once classes start in the morning, find a girl that’s walking by the tree on her way to class. Jump out and yell, HELLO MY PRETTY!!! and run away.
-Approach a girl with a text book and accuse her of stealing it from you. When she says she doesn’t know what your talking about, bite her hand. Hard. Then run away. (*Note, you can go to jail for this one)
-Hide in a tree for the night. Once classes start in the morning, find a girl that’s walking by the tree on her way to class. Jump out and yell, HELLO MY PRETTY!!! and run away.
-Approach a girl with a text book and accuse her of stealing it from you. When she says she doesn’t know what your talking about, bite her hand. Hard. Then run away. (*Note, you can go to jail for this one)
#3 Facebook is your Friend
-Find a girl you barely know that goes to your school on Facebook.
-“Like” or comment on a picture that’s on page 10 of her pictures – she’ll like that.
-Create a “Fan Page” of her and become a fan. Delete any other fans that may invade your territory.
-On her birthday, leave her a comment saying, I’m throwing a birthday party for you… It starts in the trunk of my car and ends in my basement.
-Comment on one her pictures saying something like: You have exquisite child-bearing hips… then comment right after saying: Oops sorry, didn’t mean to write that.
-“Like” or comment on a picture that’s on page 10 of her pictures – she’ll like that.
-Create a “Fan Page” of her and become a fan. Delete any other fans that may invade your territory.
-On her birthday, leave her a comment saying, I’m throwing a birthday party for you… It starts in the trunk of my car and ends in my basement.
-Comment on one her pictures saying something like: You have exquisite child-bearing hips… then comment right after saying: Oops sorry, didn’t mean to write that.
#4 While in Class
-Sit next to one of the girls in your class.
-If she gets up from her seat, feel her seat and say HEY! That’s really warm….
-Find a random girl from across the classroom. After class walk up to her seat and say to her: “Hey, I saw you from the other side of the room and you are looking HOT!”
-Ask to borrow a pen from her. When she gives it to you, soak it in KY Jelly before giving it back to her. When she asks why her pen is wet, say, Oh. Its just KY Jelly.
-Ask her if she wants to study together sometime and get her number. Call her an hour later and when she answers, don’t say anything. Just start breathing heavily.
-If she gets up from her seat, feel her seat and say HEY! That’s really warm….
-Find a random girl from across the classroom. After class walk up to her seat and say to her: “Hey, I saw you from the other side of the room and you are looking HOT!”
-Ask to borrow a pen from her. When she gives it to you, soak it in KY Jelly before giving it back to her. When she asks why her pen is wet, say, Oh. Its just KY Jelly.
-Ask her if she wants to study together sometime and get her number. Call her an hour later and when she answers, don’t say anything. Just start breathing heavily.
#5 While at the recreation center
-Find a girl who is suntanning by the pool. Interrupt her and tell her that her skin looks dry. Offer to rub lotion on her.
-When going to the gym, wear roughly 5-6 wife-beaters at one time. Wear dark sunglasses and pick a girl to stare at while doing sets..
-Grow out a thick beard, wear glasses, and walk around in a trench-coat near the pool area.
-Follow a girl over to a treadmill. When she starts running, get on the treadmill next to her and set your speed to 13. After about 10 seconds, dramatically fall down and cause attention to yourself.
-Find a cute girl with quite a bit of muscle. Compliment her by saying, “If I were a serial killer, I wouldn’t go after you. All that muscle you got would be hard to saw through… it would be that much more difficult to put your body parts in my freezer.”.
-When going to the gym, wear roughly 5-6 wife-beaters at one time. Wear dark sunglasses and pick a girl to stare at while doing sets..
-Grow out a thick beard, wear glasses, and walk around in a trench-coat near the pool area.
-Follow a girl over to a treadmill. When she starts running, get on the treadmill next to her and set your speed to 13. After about 10 seconds, dramatically fall down and cause attention to yourself.
-Find a cute girl with quite a bit of muscle. Compliment her by saying, “If I were a serial killer, I wouldn’t go after you. All that muscle you got would be hard to saw through… it would be that much more difficult to put your body parts in my freezer.”.
In closing, I’d like to share a creepers most valuable weapon: The Creeper Smile. The creeper smile is a powerful tool if you want to scare away just about any college girl. It will work in ANY situation on campus (creeper smile across the classroom, creeper smile on your facebook pic, creeper smile at the gym, etc). Start by practicing your creeper smile in the mirror. The creepers smile is a smile that is overemphasized; it will make just about anyone uncomfortable. Once, you think you have mastered the creeper smile, practice on your way to class to some unsuspecting girls. If they turn away, then you were successful. If they smiled back, either your creeper smile sucks or she has issues. Have fun creeping!
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