10 Last Minute Halloween Costumes

Let’s face it, you’re a busy human being. Between sleeping in and putting it off, you’ve barely had time to come up with a good Halloween costume this year. Thank God we’re here to help. Here are a few quick and easy Halloween costumes that are sure to make people go “oh, that’s kind of funny I guess…”!

• Sheet
  
• Scissors
• Legs
  
• Heels
  

• Make sure to yell “boo” at least once during orgasm
  

• Too-tight T-shirt with stupid pattern on it
• Too-tight jeans
• Hair gel
• Imported beer
• Cigarette
• Scarf

• Scoff at most things people say
• Dance with your hands only, no hips
• Be generally obnoxious and dismissive of American customs

• Filthy dress shirt
  
• Loose necktie
  
• Bottle of whiskey
  
• Red blush for gin blossoms on nose and cheeks (or just rub your face raw all night, you’ll probably be too drunk to feel it)
  

• Hit on younger girls
  
• Request Billy Ocean songs all night
  
• Pretend your excessive drinking is “just part of the costume”

• A dress
  
• Random garbage on your face and head
  
• Literally no other ideas
  

• Try to make out with boys AND girls
  
• Keep face covered at all times
  
• If at all possible, expose buttocks

• College hoodie / Sweatpants / Sandals / Hat
• Lanyard
  
• Books and backpack
  
• Course schedule and campus map
  

• Look generally confused and intimidated
  
• Constantly bring up high school friends
  
• Ask people to friend you on Facebook

• A box large enough to hold your lazy, uncreative body
  
• No shame
  

• Play with toys, take a nap
  
• Be weird. Like, creepy weird
  
• When people ask about your costume, say you “did it for the show”

• Shirt and pants/shorts that you don’t care about
  
• Scissors
• Bare feet (this one’s easy!)
  

• Act like the events leading up to your current state are a fog.
  
• Look at hands and scream “What have I done!?”
  
• Drink only radioactive beverages. Like “Sparks”
  

• Black pants
  
• Black shirt
  
• Christmas lights
  

• Stay in “walk” position all night
  
• Hang out near outlets
  
• Don’t spill beer and electrocute yourself, unless you want to make everyone laugh
  

Shut In

What you need

• Wine-Stained blanket
  
• Cigarette
• Junk food
  
• Cat (if available)
  

Tips for “selling it”

• Speak to cat as if cat is person
  
• Compulsively scratch yourself
  
• Start crying uncontrollably for no reason

Pyscho

What you need

• Cut up shower curtain
  
• Red paint
  
• Terrified expression
  

Tips for “selling it”

• Act like you’re from an overpraised horror film from 1960
  
• Get killed off in the first 10 minutes of the party
  
• Spawn a dozen shitty sequels