A Day In The Life of a Sports Statistician

ESPN Offices Conference Room – Thursday 9:00am

Boss:  We have a big weekend ahead of us people.  Between college, NFL, and the World Series, we have a lot of work to do here in the Statistics Department.

Johnson:  We can handle it, sir!

Boss:  Shut up Johnson, no one likes an ass kisser.  Anyway, I’ll assign you all different statistics I want figured up for the commentators to use during the broadcasts.  Smith, I want you to make sure the ERA stats are up to date for all the pitchers from Philly and New York.

Smith:  No problem.

Boss:  Williams I want you to figure up the win streaks for all the college teams as well as find out what Internet links for Erin Andrew’s nude video still work. 

Williams:  With pleasure.

Davis:  What do you want me to do boss? 

Boss:  Well Davis I was thinking since we have all these powerful computers that you could go through the data and find some interesting statistics for this weekend.

Davis:  Like what?

Boss: Find out how many pitchers have hit home runs in the World Series, and out of those, how many of them had mustaches.

Davis:  Why would people want to know that?

Boss:  Why wouldn’t people want to know that? 

Davis:  Okay…

Boss:  Also, see if there is a correlation between coaches that hit their wives and their winning percentages.  I have a feeling that they might be connected. 

Davis:  Anything else?

Boss:  Find the average hang time of every team’s 3rd string punter, each team’s rushing yards as a function of what concession stand food sold the best that day, and how often the Yankees bunt on third down.

Davis:  …that last one doesn’t make sense.

Boss:  Alright people, good meeting, now let’s get to work.