Issue #18

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I used to lifeguard at a country club. One day, an older patron came up to me and complained that the pool was “far too blue.” I apologized and offered to “green it up a bit.” The patron proceeded to report me to my boss, who agreed that the pool was too blue and my conduct was disrespectful. The next day, the pool was a little too brown, if you catch my drift. My boss sure caught it.
-George

I work at a gas station, so I get my share of creeps and perverts on a daily basis. One day, a 60 year old man came in and decided to tell me how his wife had just left him. He went on to tell me how beautiful I was, and how he could use a girl like me on his farm. He asked if any of my friends would be interested after I declined his invitation to “go back to his place after work for some fun”.
-Michelle

I work at a family owned restaurant, one day I had question for my one of my bosses. I went down to the office and walked in on both my bosses having sex.
-Kaitlyn

I work at a local taco bell, and recently we started selling that new black jack taco, which has a black taco shell. Anyways, a day or two ago, an elderly man came into the store and asked me for “Summa’ them negro tacos”. My co-workers are all black, and this isn’t the first time its happened.
-Anton S.

I work at a rock climbing tower at a college gym. We have a rather large wall (42 feet) with hundreds of multi-colored poly-urethane holds to simulate outdoor climbing. One of our participants had just finished climbing and when they came down looked me dead in the face and asked if the holds were made of chewing gum that people just threw on the wall. She’s in graduate school.
-Stu

I’m a 7th Grade World History teacher. I had a question on a test once that asked “What was Sir Isaac Newton’s law of gravity?” One student answered, “The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.” I gave her a point for effort, but I died a little on the inside.
-Allison B.

I work at a grocery store in the produce department. One day this old woman who everyone who works there knows, because she always complains about everything is in the store. She comes up to me and asks me if I found 20 dollars on the floor. I hadn’t so I tell her no. She looks at me and just says.“really?…” but in a voice that I could tell she didn’t believe me. She ends up telling a cashier that a boy from produce found her 20 dollars on the floor and won’t give it back. The cashier say’s, “You can tell a manager or customer service.” and she replies, “No, thats ok. He’s just going to go to Hell.”
-Matt P.

I work on an ambulance. I took a psych patient one day. He began punching himself in the head. When I moved to restrain him, he started taking swings at me. After I got his arms strapped down, he stimulated his own gag-reflex and projectile vomited all over me.
-Erik, University of Pittsburgh