The AP just broke a story about a most peculiar archaelogical discovery.  In the quiet hamlet of Mantua, Italy (25 miles south of Verona — where any snobbish English major will remind you that Romeo and Juliet was set) archaelogists unearthed what appears to be…some really gay sh*t.  Two Italian men in a post-coital embrace.  Speaking to background, an anonymous member of the team let slip that along with the skeletons, a decanted Sangiovese '3577 B.C. in a ceramic jug was found besides the couple.  Empty.  The anonymous archaelogist then sniggered, and made a joke in passing about how it's "safe to assume these fellows probably didn't pass along their DNA to us, if you know what I mean."
 
Yes, Mr. Anonymous Archaelogist.  We here at CollegeHumor.com know exactly what you mean.

The AP, which is notorious for pussy-footing around unsettling news, included a face-saving caveat in its article (no doubt demanded by philandering former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi):

"The prehistoric pair are believed to have been a man and woman." (Italics are my own)

Right.  And it's pure happenstance that the nexus of high-fashion just so happens to be in Milan.  C'mon.

For a country that prides itself on the uber-masculine ethos of its menfolk, this stunning discovery is, well, dare I say it, rattling a few bones.

Hey Italy — you might want to check the locks on your doors, because even your skeletons are coming out of the closet.  ZING!