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Italian Men: Cuddling Like Bitches Since 3500 B.C.

The AP just broke a story about a most peculiar archaelogical discovery.  In the quiet hamlet of Mantua, Italy (25 miles south of Verona — where any snobbish English major will remind you that Romeo and Juliet was set) archaelogists unearthed what appears to be…some really gay sh*t.  Two Italian men in a post-coital embrace.  Speaking to background, an anonymous member of the team let slip that along with the skeletons, a decanted Sangiovese ’3577 B.C. in a ceramic jug was found besides the couple.  Empty.  The anonymous archaelogist then sniggered, and made a joke in passing about how it’s “safe to assume these fellows probably didn’t pass along their DNA to us, if you know what I mean.”
 
Yes, Mr. Anonymous Archaelogist.  We here at CollegeHumor.com know exactly what you mean.

The AP, which is notorious for pussy-footing around unsettling news, included a face-saving caveat in its article (no doubt demanded by philandering former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi):

“The prehistoric pair are believed to have been a man and woman.” (Italics are my own)

Right.  And it’s pure happenstance that the nexus of high-fashion just so happens to be in Milan.  C’mon.

For a country that prides itself on the uber-masculine ethos of its menfolk, this stunning discovery is, well, dare I say it, rattling a few bones.

Hey Italy — you might want to check the locks on your doors, because even your skeletons are coming out of the closet.  ZING!

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Search and Siezure

When I was 16, I was walking home one night from my girlfriend's (at the time) like any other night. Now, as a teen, I had a shaved head, but that's as far as it goes for me looking like "a bad ass". I was super straight edge. I got to the corner across the street from my apartment, and I was waiting patiently at the light to cross, when all of a sudden I hear the... Read More » wailers and see flashing lights coming in my direction. Two cops get out of their car, tell me to come over and proceed to start hassling me. Given where I lived (tantamount to gang territory) and the fact that I was a teen out past 11PM, this was annoying, but not a huge surprise. The first question they asked me was "where am I going?" I said home. They asked where home is, and I could point to my window from where I was standing. That wasn't good enough. They decided they were going to demand that I "empty my pockets on the hood of the car". I refused, at which point they accused me of having something to hide. But what they didn't know was that I was taking classes in Canadian law at my high school, and had already covered the section on statutes on search and seizure and probable cause. So I told them flat out: "Give me your badge number, and I'll empty my pockets. And, when you find nothing there, I'll be down at your station tomorrow with a lawyer and I won't leave until I have your job because I gave you no probable cause to stop me, let alone undergo a search and seizure of my personal belongings. And if you don't like it, fuck off". Needless to say, they got back in their car and told me to go home. And I did, smiling.