Slacker 101

There are three types of students in the world: the smart kids, the dumb kids, and the slackers. The smart kids are destined for greatness. They study, they go to every class, they are on time, and they pay attention while they're there and they just get stuff done. Then there are the dumb kids that have no chance in life. I'm talking about the kids who fail woodshop and go hunting and stuff like that. Then there are the rest of us…the slackers. We do just enough to get by. We skip class when we don't do our homework. We write essays the night before they are due. We study for tests as we're walking in. We party on Wednesdays, and we sit next to smart kids so we can glance at there notes if we get called on in class. It's all carefully planned out. In fact if we put as much effort into the work we're supposed to do instead of how to not do it we would probably be one of the smart kids. But honestly, where is the fun in that? Everyone I have talked to has said that when I got to college that I couldn't keep being a slacker. They said that stuff I could get away with in high school wouldn't fly in college. But I would like to respectfully disagree and say that high school was just practice for college. If anything it's easier to be a slacker now then ever. However, the rules change when you get to college it's a little more difficult but still more then possible.

Being a successful college student is hard; it takes effort, you have to be smart, and you have to want to be successful, but that doesn't mean you have to do a lot of work or study or whatever. It just means you need to do the right work and study the right things. Starting with rule number one: go to class. Always go to class. Everyday. Cause if you have a close in-between grade a teacher is more likely to round up. When you are in class, sit in the front. Teachers such as Nicholas Kristof of New York report that "kids who sit in the front row usually do pretty well because the teachers' close proximity to them at a minimum guilt's them into paying attention."  And when you don't do the readings the best way to sound like you did is to pay close attention, nod along in agreement to everything and not say anything. Sitting in the front row actually decreases your chances of getting called on in a group discussion because a teacher standing right in front of you naturally looks out instead of down. However, at the same time you are getting a lot of face time because you are in the ideal location to conduct small talk during transition times before, during, and after class. This will also help your cause because the professor will recognize you and associate your face and personality with anything you turn in. Also by conducting side conversations you create a false sense of participation. The teacher remembers hearing your voice but not necessarily that it was relative to the class discussion.

In college there are no ˜little' homework assignments. There are tests, quizzes, and essays. Every college professor gives you a syllabus on the first day of class that lists every single assignment for the semester.  Which leads to rule number two:  highlight tests and essays. Quizzes are not typically listed but they also typically don't carry much weight for your over all grade so as long as you go to class you should be able to get through the quizzes with minimal damage to your grade. But this puts a lot more pressure to perform well on tests and write better essays.

Rule number three: think abstract. Procrastination and being a slacker go hand in hand. When you are asleep you dream, and dreams are the craziest ideas you brain can only comprehend subconsciously. Scientists note that "dreams create new ideas through the generation of random thought mutations. Some of these may be rejected by the mind as useless, while others may be seen as valuable and are thusly retained." What that is saying is most dreams are irrational mutated thoughts, but some contain conceivable ideas and those are the ones you remember. When you're writing an essay that's due the next day at three in the morning your brain is programmed to dream and produce crazy abstract ideas. Let those ideas out. While you may not have the best argument you will develop ideas no one else has making your piece original and entertaining which might not get you and A, but it will keep your reader's attention. Most professors appreciate a break from the standard boring essay over and over again. While they may think you're an idiot, they usually take it easy on your grade for the paper.

Being that I myself am writing this a 2:31 in the morning before this is due, I would like to extend one final thought, which is when it comes to rough drafts that you know wont be checked…you don't have to finish them…with that I would like to extend my sincerest apologies to the partner that has to read this. Had I the energy to continue I would mention how to prepare for tests and have a brief conclusion. Again very sorry, I know I'm a terrible person.

Be gentle