Harry Potter in the Frat House

Harry: Ronnnnnn.

Ron: Harry Pottttaaa. I’ve been looking for ya everywhere.
Harry: Sorry Mr. Weasley. I was smoking the fluxweed. They don’t call me Potter for nothing
Ron: Nice man. Did I tell you about that muggle I hooked up with last night?
Harry: Tell me brosef.
Ron: She was hairier than Hagrid’s beard.
Harry: Damn, expeleamus that shit.
Ron: I did man. She was weirder than that Tom Riddle diary.
Harry: But I bet you rode her anyway like a quidditch broom.
Ron: Yeah man. So bloody what?
Harry: And I bet you screamed like a mandrake when you woke up.
Ron: You’re right about that.
Harry: It’s fine man. We’ve all hooked up with a babe that looks like Mcgonagall.
Ron: Oh don’t make me vomit.
Harry: That shit reminds me of the time Peter Pettigrew hooked up with Malfoy because he was so drunk he thought he looked like a girl?
Ron: Yeah mannnn. He has such a gay haircut.
Harry: Anyway dude, where’s the drank?
Ron: Go get yourself a goblet of fire.
Harry: Definitely.
Ron: And a girl too.
Harry: Yes sir. If there is one thing I chase more than a snitch, it’s snatch.


Harry: You’re looking fine Hermione babe.
Hermione: You are looking… well rather much like your normal self.
Harry: Hey baby, you’re casting a spell on me as we speak.
Hermione: Could you not be so revolting?
Harry: I’m not asking for you to touch my magic wand or anything.
Hermione: UGG. You perv.
Harry: Why don’t you come over and drink my love potion. You could use a little.
Hermione: I’m leaving.
Harry: Good. Muggles aren’t welcome here anyway


Harry: Hey baby.
Dobby: Hello sweetheart.
Harry: Oh hell no. NO!
Dobby: What’s wrong?
Harry: I did not go down your deathly hallows last night did I?
Dobby: Yes it was lovely.
Harry: Oh bloody hell!