Pros and Cons of Buying Mascara and Using It On the Hair Around Your Nipples to Make Them Look Like Eyes

Pros: Virtually an endless list. I could tell you about all the chicks you’ll suddenly get without even saying a word or even taking off your shirt, but I bet you already knew all that.

I could tell you about how you’ll suddenly become so successful that Donald Trump would be a contestant on your show, ˜The Apprentice To The Man Who Cleans My Toilet’, but that goes without saying.

Maybe I’ll just tell you how if and when you do buy mascara, and you do apply it to the hair around your nipples to make them look like eyes, everything you say from then on is recorded and then placed in a deluxe hard cover novel and the first edition series would sell for half a mil. Also very important, you gain the power to take the Glaceau VitaminWater brand ˜Essential’ flavor and turn it into a drink that actually tastes good and not like shit-vomit.

Cons: Your nipples won’t actually be functional eyes. Also, low self-esteem and you may begin to question your sexuality.

In conclusion: Glaceau VitaminWater never actually tried their ˜Essential’ flavor before releasing it to gas stations around the world.