Inanimate Porn + Fantasies


Towel Porn – Shamwow Commercials
Towel 1: "Hey guy, check it out, this orange chick just ENGULFED that ENTIRE wine spill!"

Towel 2: "That shit's so freaky."

 

 

Blowdryer Fantasy –

Just-out-of-the-shower Wookie.

 

 

Psycho Girlfriend Porn – Jim and Pam's Wedding Scene

Psycho Girlfriend: * Simultaneously weeps and has an orgasm.

 

Iphone Porn – Steve Jobs' Tutorial
Iphone: "DILF!!!!!!!"

Wes Anderson Fan Fantasy –
Ironic groups of people that are seemingly interesting, put into emotional adventures with estranged family members. Nobody says much, but everybody says a lot. Endings that involve closure…Ironically. (See also: people who dress as 'Wheres Waldo?' on Halloween.)



Facebook Porn – People Documenting Retarded Stuff They Do.
Facebook: "That's SO legit! Michael Simons will probably look at that like 5 times at least! Even if he doesn't comment or chat you about it! Tell everyone how you just drove in that scary ass rain, that was so interesting! Wait, no! Quote 'El Scorcho'! Michael Simons LOVES that song!!!



Cigarette Porn – Fight Club
Cigarette 1: "She's not even using her hands in this scene, it's all oral!"
Cigarette 2: "I want you so bad right now."


Canada Porn – Judd Apatow Films
Canada: "One more Canadian-Jew-Fro joke, one more Canadian-Jew-Fro joke…YES! aaaaauuhhhh"