8th Grader Sex Therapist

I’m having trouble maintaining an erection during intercourse with my wife. Do you have any tips to help me perform better?
Mike F., New Jersey

I don’t get it. Just look at her boobs. Or maybe you’re gay or something, I dunno. She’s naked, right? Just have her tug at your boner. If it doesn’t work, you like dudes. Go have sex with a dude or something. I’ll bet your boner will stay.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, but he’s never given me an orgasm. Are we doing something wrong?
Carol H., California

You should let him finger you. My friend Ray fingered a girl behind the 7/11 and she came like three times. But Ray says he’s really good so I don’t know if it will work with your boyfriend. He should still try though.

I started dating this girl about 3 weeks ago, and she already thinks we were “meant to be.” How can I let her down gently?
Will C., North Carolina

First of all, how hot is she? You have to ask yourself, “Do I really want to find a new girl to get to second base with when I can already get to second base with this one?” Boobs are boobs, unless they’re small. You should only break up with her if she has small boobs.

My partner and I have been keeping our relationship a secret from my family. Is there any way to tell my dad that I’m a lesbian without setting him off?
Lacey L., New York

Lesbians are awesome. If your dad doesn’t like lesbians, he’s gay. You guys should make out in front of him and send me a video of it.

My boyfriend really wants me to swallow, but I don’t like the taste. Is there anything he can do to change it?
Madison K., Oregon

One time, this girl Christie gave my friend Kyle a blowjob. He drank Yoo-hoo all the time and she said his jizz came out brown. I don’t know what that means. I guess tell him to drink less Yoo-hoo.

I have enormous breasts (size DDD) and terrible back problems. Would you recommend breast reduction surgery? I’m in a lot of pain here.
Janet R., Florida

No.