Ten Tips for Surviving Thanksgiving Break

For most college students, Thanksgiving break will be the first time you go home all year. Here are some helpful tips for readjusting during your brief return to the real world.

1. Everyone gains weight at college. It’s not a big deal. All that matters is who got the fattest. Do NOT be the fattest. 
   
2. Hang out with your ex at least once. Christmas break is around the corner and you need to start laying the groundwork for that disastrous hook-up now.
3. Do NOT bring your roommate home. Your high schoolfriends will hate your roommate. Your roommate will think your highschool friends are total d-bags. Drinking in Kevin’s garage will get awkward quickly.
   
4. Do not expect the fake ID you made using only MS Paint and a glue stick to work at home.
5. If it does work, expect an unfortunate run-in with your parents’ friends at the bar.
6. Remember to pack one semi-respectable outfit. Justifying why you’re wearing Corona pajama pants to Thanksgiving dinner is not a conversation you want to have.
   
   
   
7. After two months of living with a mini-fridge, it’s very easy to confuse the vast size of your parents fridge with an all-you-can-eat buffet. Resist the urge. The only thing worse than going home chubby is coming back to school extra-chubby.
8. Bring home your laundry. There’s a 87% chance someone else will do it for you.
9. You may have forgotten while at college, but most restaurants at home aren’t particularly willing to deliver you pizza at 2am. Research who will now and save them in your phone as “Life Support”
10. Consider all the freedoms you have at college revoked. Your dad will want to know what time you got in last night. Your mom will want to know why you’ve been vomiting all morning. Your siblings will want to know why you smell like Uncle Frank. Brace yourself for lots of concerned stares, disappointed head shakes, and inquiries as to “what the hell I’m paying for you to do at school?!?!” Just remember you won’t be home much longer. And at least while you are, if you piss the bed you can blame the dog.