The Real Titanic

          Everyone talks about how romantic the movie Titanic is, but people often overlook the VERY important fact that the narrator was a senile old lady. This is the actual conversation that Jack and Rose probably had while they were both freezing in the ocean anticipating their impending doom:

Rose:

Hey…Jack? Jack?/p>

Jack:

uugh

Rose:

JACK?

Jack:

What?!?

Rose:

Are you cold?

Jack:

Of course I’m cold; I’ve been in this freezing water for 15 minutes!

Rose:

Hey…Jack?

Jack:

What?!?

Rose:

Are you mad at me?

Jack:

Are f***ing serious??? Of course I’m mad! I’m freezing to death and you’re on that door, all high and dry!

Rose:

Well maybe we could share the door…-

Jack:

Yeah, we tried that; your fat-ass took up all the space and almost sank it, remember?

Rose:

Jack, you’re yelling again…

Jack:

I’m yelling because my lungs are the only part of my body that isn’t frozen solid! Maybe if you ate with the poor people in the lower deck you wouldn’t weigh as much as an elephant. Remember when I drew that portrait of you? I had to draw A LOT of lines bitch! Now let me die in peace.

Rose:

Jack, do you think we’ll be together in heaven?

Jack:

God I hope not! Now leave me alone-

Rose:

Jack I see a light! A rescue boat is coming! We’re going to make it!

Jack:

Son of a bitch-

Rose:

Now we’ll be together forever! Isn’t that great Jack?

Jack:

That’s it, I’m ending it.

Rose:

Jack don’t go underwater! If you laugh underwater you’ll run out of air! Jack? JACK!?!