Dating, It's Complicated: Issue #28

I’m not a hairy guy, and as my relationship with my girlfriend progressed I started slacking a bit on my trimming duties. While selfishly insisting that she keep to her strict (and quite painful, she insisted on reminding me) grooming regimen, I slowly adopted a more natural look. About six months in, we had a… falling out. Though it only lasted about three weeks, there was some debate as to whether or not it had formally constituted a “break” in our relationship (I’d asserted that it had). As we continued on with our make-up romp, and she started inching south, I experienced a sudden moment of anticipatory terror. Though her body language changed completely and permanently in the seconds that followed (I will never forget the look she gave me), my pristine new cock-and-balls package went over without comment. At the time I was surprised and even grateful for her silence, though now I understand. As I’m sure she gathered, her knowledge of my intention — to “re-gift” myself — over our brief split, is far more difficult for me to come to terms with if kept tacit.
-Nick, Monterey, CA

I had dated a girl for a little over a month and we got invited to one of her friend’s Halloween party. We got there at different times and she had been there for 30 minutes before she even talked to me. She then avoided me the rest of the night. Two days later she told me through text that no matter what anyone said she had not “hooked up” with some guy that night and kept asking if I was going to break up with her. I told her no. Later that night she broke up with me because, “God didn’t want her in a relationship,” the same excuse she had used on her ex before me. Later the guy told one of my friends he had screwed her and had been the entire time we were dating…
-Anonymous

My fiancé wants a Snuggie for Christmas
-Anonymous

I had liked this girl for 2 years in 8th grade…we flirted a lot and she said I was cute and that we should hang out sometime.  So one day I decided to tell her that I liked her. This was the week before Valentine’s day, and at our school you could buy virtual valentines. These valentines were then shown over a projector on the giant screen we had in our cafeteria. I bought this girl a giant Hershey kiss and a stuffed animal kitten for the holiday, and right before I gave it to her I saw a message on the giant screen. It said “Happy V-Day, I love you” it was to the girl, she had a boyfriend. When I got home I ate the chocolate in the garage by myself and burned the cat.
-Zach

So I was dating this girl who had a strong relationship with her parents. I’m not saying that’s a terrible thing, but there’s a time when you stop believing everything just because mom and dad say so. I tried to explain this to her once saying, “Sometimes you got to think for yourself and make decisions on your own.” She then tried to convince me that she didn’t always agree with her parents, and that she was her own person. She then told me a story, it went something like this…“My mom and I were watching T.V. when something happened that showed our difference of opinion…then she explained to me her side and we agreed.”
-Dan Devine, ISU

One time my girlfriend was over at my house. When she first came over she said she had to pee and asked to use the bathroom. She went in and came out 1 minute later so I didn’t think anything of it. Then 30 minutes later I went in to the bathroom to pee, and it kind of smelled. I figured she might have taken the world’s fastest dump. 3 Hours after that we were fooling around, and ended up 69ing. As I am going down on her I look up, and notice a small piece of toilet paper stuck to her butt hole. Just as I notice it, it falls out of her ass and into my mouth. I spit it out as fast as possible, but didn’t have the heart to tell her what happened.
-Anonymous

I was in a relationship with a girl that had already had some other guy’s kid. Eventually it became kind of weird and we broke up. Since she didn’t want the relationship to end she started trying to blackmail me into staying. I shrugged these threats off for a while until she told me that she was pregnant with my kid. To prove it she sent me a picture of a positive pregnancy test. After worrying a little I had an idea, I logged on the internet to find the picture as one of the first result in Google images.
-Anonymous