Dear Prospective Student,

We greatlynappreciate your interest in our university. After some consideration, we havendecided that you are not a match for our school. In fact, given your history,nwe recommend the Tennessee State Correctional facility for yournremaining…‘education’

We were notnparticularly impressed with your 1.0 GPA. And no, we did not think it was anperfect ten. We’re glad that you have challenged yourself by taking a varietynof classes such as Introduction to gym, Team sports, and Senior games andnactivities. There also appears to be an error in your transcript; it says thatnyou have taken health 6 times.

If you couldnexplain the discrepancies in your transcript, perhaps we will reconsider yournapplication. For example, there is a handwritten note saying you have receivednan A in cheerleader anatomy. Also, I’m sorry to say we cannot give you advancednplacement credit for successful completion of “Principles of BeernPong”

Now, wenunderstand the necessity of money in the everyday lives of students, however,nmoonlighting as a ‘street pharmacist’ is not an appropriate method of accruingnsuch funds. We suggest that you put the skills you used in school in order tonmake money, paying special attention to your Crime and Law class.

When asked aboutnany unique qualities or skills, you gave us a variety of answers. However,n’Pimpinthemhoes’ is not a skill that will help you in college.

Really, I’mnunsure why we even wrote this much, because it is rather doubtful that you willneven be able to read this far. Good luck with all your educational endeavors.

Attached is annapplication for Harvard University. Perhaps they will be closer to yournacademic caliber.

Sincerely,

VanderbiltnUniversity Admissions Committee