The Tumblr of Sisyphus

A STEEP, ENDLESS MOUNTAIN SLOPE. TARTARUS.

HADES standsbeside SISYPHUS. Sisyphus digs his heels into the slope and presses hisback against a huge rock, holding it in place.

SISYPHUS: Really? You mean it?

HADES: Yes, Sisyphus. Let the rock go.

Sisyphussteps aside. The rock rumbles down the slope, gaining momentum untilfinally rolling out of view, beyond the visible horizon.

SISYPHUS: So…now my penance is done? I’m absolved of my sins, andI get to go to paradise? Oh, how I’ve longed for the Elysian Fields,and to be—

HADES: No, Sisyphus.

SISYPHUS: No?

HADES: That is not how our conception of the afterlife works.

SISYPHUS: Oh. Maybe I’m thinking of the Christians then.

Hades, adamantine and unyielding, says nothing.

SISYPHUS: But I’m done with the rock?

HADES: Yes, Sisyphus. You are done with the rock.

Hades takes a MacBook Pro out from his flowing, ashen robes.

HADES: The password for the wireless network is “haveapomegranate”.

Hades offers the MacBook Pro to Sisyphus. Sisyphus takes it.

SISYPHUS: I don’t really understand.

HADES: It is a small joke. About Persephone.

SISYPHUS: No, I mean about the computer. Do you need me to check your e-mail or something?

HADES: There is a site called “Tumblr”. It is spelled without the “e”.

SISYPHUS: But that’s a stupid way to—

HADES: You will create what is called a blog. It has a quality called…”Tumblarity“. You must make this blog the Number One blog in…”Tumblarity“. This shall be your task.

SISYPHUS: How do I do that?

HADES: Post things on the blog. Gain Likes, Reblogs, and Followers. This will increase its…”Tumblarity“.

SISYPHUS: How long do I have?

HADES: All eternity, Sisyphus.

SISYPHUS: Great! No problem.

Hades vanishes. Sisyphus sits down with the MacBook Pro.



THE SAME SLOPE. TARTARUS. A MILLENIUM LATER.

Sisyphus is in the same spot as before, typing and clicking the touchpad mouse button frantically.

SISYPHUS: I…I can’t believe it.

Sisyphus stops typing and clicking. Hades appears.

HADES: Well done, Sisyphus. The task is complete.

SISYPHUS:Thanks. It went way up when I changed my picture. A lot of peoplefollow you if you pretend to be a cute 17-year-old girl.

Hades is silent. Sisyphus puts the computer down and stands up.

SISYPHUS: Yep, well, great. I’ll just be on my way to the—

HADES: Open another tab.

SISYPHUS: What?

HADES: In your browser. Open another tab.

Sisyphus sits down. He opens a second tab in Firefox.

HADES: Load up Wikipedia.

SISYPHUS: …..is there something I can look up
for you?

HADES: Now,—

SISYPHUS: Any single thing?

HADES: —open up the Recent Changes page.

SISYPHUS: Crap.