It's a Wonderful Vice

Having just seen a world without him, George Bailey stands upon a bridge, his face buried in his hands.

George: I wanna live again! Please, Lord — let me live again.

Clarence: There there, George. I’ll return things to the way they were.

George: Whoa whoa, now wait a minute — why would you do that? Didn’t ya hear what I just said?

Clarence:  You said you wanted to—

George: To live again, Clarence. What about that word indicates me ever going back to that menial, monotonous hellhole of an existence in boring ol’ Bedford Falls? I meant I want to really live again. Right here in Pottersville, where all the action is.

Clarence: Pottersville!? But George, didn’t you see it? All the burlesque clubs, the liquor stores, the casinos…

George:  That’s exactly why I— There were casinos? Man, I was running past it all so excitedly, I must’ve missed them. Let’s go play blackjack!

Clarence: But I thought… I thought you were appalled. I mean, the way you cried when you saw what had become of your dear Mary…

George: Those were tears of bitter, spiteful joy, Clarence. Without me, that needy, helpless shrew never found a sucker to sink her ambition-killing teeth into! Why, everyone must have seen it in her but me. What a world-class fool I was. But not anymore.

Clarence: George, what about your children? Zuzu, and… and the tall one… and the one with the hair… all those others… They’ll never be born!

George: Zuzu, Clarence? First of all, repeat that name, then ask yourself if it sounds like I ever really gave a shit. I think the world will find a way to survive without someone who thinks that the structural integrity of a flower can be repaired with a household adhesive.

Clarence: That’s your daughter!

George: Was my daughter. Was an imbecile. Now is neither.

Clarence: I don’t understand. Haven’t all the things you’ve seen tonight taught you what a wonderful life you had?

George: Are you joking? They’ve taught me what a wonderful life everyone else had, thanks to me. Now it’s my turn.

Clarence: But George Bailey doesn’t exist here! You’re just a nameless drifter with no ties! No responsibilities! Not a care in the wor… oh.

George: Right? I can do whatever the hell I want! While you were yelling just now, I used you as a distraction to pick three people’s pockets. Now let’s go get another drink.

Clarence: Nick’s not gonna let us back in, George.

George: So? Look around, Clarence. There are 48 other bars on this block. Merry Christmas, Pottersville! Merry Christmas, pornography theater! Merry Christmas, drug dealer in alley! Merry Christmas, you boarded-up Building and Loan!

Clarence: (To sky.) Joseph, help me. Help me reason with him.

Joseph: I dunno, Clarence. He made some pretty good points. It appears, upon further reflection, that the people of Bedford Falls were assholes.

Clarence: But then… I mean, do I still get my wings?

Joseph: Haha, oh Clarence. You’re obviously fired.