Special Holiday All Poo Issue

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I used to work at an ice cream parlor during high school. One day a little league softball team came in after they won a game. After I finish bussing the table and clock out, my manager calls me over and says they also left a mess in the bathroom. They had a contest to see how many of them could crap in the toilet without flushing it. The poop was piled up over the top of the rim. We didn’t have any shovels or scoops, so my manager made me use ziplock sandwich bags to grab the poop with my hands and throw it out back in the dumpster.  Then she made me finish bussing the table after cleaning up the poop, because “no one else could work in that area due to the smell coming from the bathroom”.  It took me an hour after my shift ended to clean up the mess. I didn’t get paid for any of the extra time.
-Chris, Ohio State

I work at a small movie theater.  One time when I was cleaning up a theater, I bent down to pick up what looked like a pile of crumpled up napkins.  Once I got about 6 inches away from it, I realized it was a used diaper, but had already gone too far and had too much momentum to stop there.  There it was, a sh*t filled diaper in my hand making me hate my already sh*t filled job even more. Honestly, who changes their baby in a movie theater?
-Craig Morin

I work at a grocery store as a courtesy clerk. Today, an old guy that is regularly known for having accidents in the store, walks in and must have sh*t himself, because one of the cashiers saw him walk out shaking his pant-leg as he went out the door. Later, I got a call from my boss saying that there was a trail of turds left by this guy starting from the check-stand going all the way out into the parking lot, and I was to follow the trail and clean it up.
-Charlie, NEU

During my senior year of high school I had a job at a local grocery store called meijer. My job was to collect carts and keep the parking lot clean. As I was taking a chain of carts into the store this woman riding an amigo cart flagged me down. I noticed as I got closer to her there was a big pile of mess on the ground and a putrid smell. I thought she had puked but turns out she sh*t in the amigo cart and wanted me to clean it up and ride the sh*t filled amigo back to the store.
-Stacie R.

When I was working at a video store I was ringing up a very old lady when I noticed a pungent smell of poo. I finished the transaction, and while the lady was walking out the door, a large piece of sh*t fell out from under her dress. She kept walking, apparently without noticing she was defecating at the time, and I figured that the worst was over, but I went around the counter to where she was standing and there was a pile of her sh*t where she had just been. And I had to clean it up.
-David

I work at Wal Mart, and one day I got a call from an old man who had just crapped his pants and was waiting in the bathroom. I came in with a fresh pair of pants for him, which apparently wasn’t enough. He made it a point for me to see and smell his mess so I could understand the need for more stalls in our bathrooms. He was pantless and covered in poo while he lectured me.
-Joey