I one had a girlfriend who, for no logical reason, absolutely refused to put the relationship status up on facebook despite the fact that guys hit on her mercilessly. Her first attempt at a solution was to make it so that her status wasn't up but this did nothing to stop the would-be suitors. Then, instead of adding me as her boyfriend, she put her guy best-friend up as "married". She didn't get why I was so pissed
.we broke up a week later.
Me and my girlfriend study IT school. She NEVER saw original Starwars trilogy. I am so embarrassed
-Martin, Czech Republic
In high school, I convinced my girlfriend of the time that the "H" in the name "Jesus H. Christ" stood for "Hoobastank." I further played on this notion by telling her that the band Hoobastank was a Christian rock band. The best part was getting to watch her tell other people this "fact" like she knew something special.
I've been dating my girlfriend for 2 years now. We have, of course, have an active sex life. Now, just the other day we were talking about maybe spicing things up a bit.. So I go and buy one of those vibrating penis rings. We decided to try it that night and I put it on, we get in the mood and I turn the penis ring on. Now, I do not recommend this product to anyone ever. The ring, first of all, got stuck on my penis for at least half an hour after I came, and it didn't do anything for the sex except tossing my penis up and down.After that w decided never to use any mass produced sex toy again.
My (ex) girlfriend and I were both virgins when we started dating. Over a period of time we started to get more and more adventurous with each other, and we eventually decided that I would perform oral on her. Before we got to it, she had excused herself to the bathroom, for what I assumed was some time to make sure everything was cool down there. Apparently, she felt she was a little sweaty down there and decided a little baby powder would be the remedy. Needless to say, I got a mouth full of baby powder that day, and was a little weary of going down on her again for awhile.
So, I was with this girl. We hit it off well, and we were enjoying our first time in the sack. As she was bouncing on top of me, I went to slap her butt. As I went to give the most full-hearted slap I had ever given, she changed tempo. I completely missed her cheek and all four fingers of my slapping hand went full force straight to my right testicle. I couldn't maintain an erection at all afterwards, and haven't talked to her since.
The guy I lost my virginity to could only have sex once a night. After he came, his penis would deflate like a flat tire. He would then proceed to play with his so called "little guy" and tell me angrily "look what you did to him!" Surprisingly, that alone did not push me to break up with him.
I was giving my ex girlfriend directions to a party we were at. I told her to go to the end of the road, bear right and its the last house on the left. Half an hour later she calls me, furious that she can't find the bear.
The "I Hope This is Fake" Award goes to:
I was at my ex-girlfriend's mom's boyfriend's house a few years back. While they were fixing up dinner, I thought that now would be the best time to take a dump. I clogged the toilet and couldn't get it unclogged. Her mom's boyfriend eventually decided that the best course of action was to unbolt the toilet from the floor and carry it through his bedroom out into his rock garden. Grabbing a hose, he then sprayed my massive turd out onto a pile of quartz right in front of my girlfriend.