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Times You've Been to the Gym This Semester


Old people genitalia spotted
Steroid use
Concern that your balls are shrinking
Weights lifted
Number of successful encounters with girls you’ve met at the gym
Number of successful hypothetical encounters with girls you’ve visualized at the gym
Horrible, crippling bench-press accidents
Embarrassing boners

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A Christmas Larceny

I used to work for a chinese computer company that no longer exists; one Christmas Eve a man comes into the store right as we are closing and counting money and insists that we start up the Point of Sale system again and sell him the video card he reserved online. We tell him that the computers have been shut down and all the transactions of the day batched and sent to the... Read More » credit card vendor. He keeps telling us that it's already paid for etc. and we keep telling him we can't process any more transactions until the morning of Dec. 26th. He then takes out a revolver and makes us lay on the floor while he steals the cash drawers and takes off. Turns out he had in fact reserved the video card online and his full name, address and phone number were in the system along with his email address; i bet his New Year sucked.