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Frodo Finds Out Gandalf Was Friends With the Eagles the Whole Time

(Frodo awakes in Gondor having just been rescued by Gandalf and the eagles on Mount Doom after he destroyed the Ring)

Frodo: Gandalf! You’re alive! I can’t believe this! We thought you had died in the mines, what happened?


Gandalf (chuckling with delight): That is a story for another time my boy, in due time I will tell you what transpired. I do believe thanks are in order. You did a tremendous thing Frodo Baggins and you are in the debt of every creature of Middle Earth. You performed more admirably than I could have ever wished and I thank you.


Frodo: I am honored you believed in me. I felt it was my destiny. I am just thankful the eagles were able to get there. That was quite lucky. They were able to defeat the Nazgūl with great ease.

Gandalf: I have learned never to doubt the extraordinary eagles. I had not communicated with them since they rescued me from the top of Isengard. They are a very useful friend to have.


Frodo: Wait…you’re friends with the eagles?


Gandalf: Yes of course. Why do you ask?


Frodo: You are friends with the eagles that can fly, defeat the Nazgūl, which coincidentally are the only other flying creature in Middle Earth, and can easily carry a hobbit on its back while in the air and you are just now telling me now?


Gandalf: Yes I am…Frodo what are you getting at?


Frodo: Did I ever make you mad? Was I not excited enough when you set off your fireworks in the Shire or something?


Gandalf: Frodo what are you talking about?


Frodo: It was because I hesitated about the whole destroying the ring thing wasn’t it? I mean why else would you not tell me about the eagles?!


Gandalf: Frodo I don’t understand why you are getting so upset about this? I don’t see how it is relevant.

Frodo: Oh I don’t know Gandalf how could eagles that can fly, destroy the Nazgūl, and easily carry me on their backs be relevant? That’s a tough one!


Gandalf: Frodo I…


Frodo (interrupting):  No it’s fine I guess the walk across all of Middle Earth was good exercise. In a weird way the stress of being hunted by every evil thing in this world and nearly dying like 40 times could have been good for me right?  Being stabbed by the giant spider and the leader of the Ringwraiths was fun too. And hanging around Gollum all the time that was great! He is really just delightful. I just love that crazy bi-polar bastard. That was hilarious when he bit my finger off! Classic! I mean I guess I can look back on this whole experience as just a fun, awesome adventure. I should be thanking you actually. So thank you Gandalf, thank you for letting me have so much fun!


(The two of them sit there in awkward silence for a few minutes, Frodo visibly upset and shaking his head in disbelief)


Gandalf: So when I fell in the mines…


Frodo: Piss off!

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A Christmas Larceny

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