College Math

Math Department Math

1000 + 1000 = 2000

Psychology Department Math

100 minutes > 60 minutes, sorry, we’ll have to continue this next week.

Accounting Department Math

$1000 = $725 after taxes.

Accounting Department Honors Program Math

$1000 = $1275 after taxes.

Economics Department Math

1000 + 1000 = 1650, adjusting for diminishing marginal utility, but assume 2000.

English Department Math

2000 words = 4 pages.

+Double Spacing = 8 pages.

+Offset block quotes = 9 pages.

+Courier New = Required 10 page minimum.

Philosophy Department Math

1000 = Distance to the door.

500 = Half the distance.

250 = Half that.

125 = Half that.

62.5 = Half that, etc, ad infinitium, you can never reach the door, but I see all of you leaving, and thus we know that our entire experitial existence is mere illusion.  QED.  See you next week, please don’t drop the class, it’s an easy A.

Education Department Math

1 to 10 = Ratio of future teachers to future house wives.

Theater Department Math

1 to 1000 = Ratio of future actors to future actor/waiters.

Gender Studies Department Math

$1.00 = $0.70 for women doing the same work, where $0.70 = $0.97 when taking into consideration education, experience, seniority, job title and statistical integrity.

Law School Math

$160,000 = $350,000, a BMW, and bottle poppin’ girls (if I’d have gone to business school instead).

Graduate Math Department Math

Induced subgraphs of a graph all have simple vertices if and only if the graph is a sun-free chordal graph, because each property holds if and only if the maximal cliques of the graph form a totally balanced hypergraph.  Fuck numbers.