10 Rules to Live By: Facebook Stalker

You’re creepy, embrace it.

1. There are a million ways to get around privacy settings.
2. It’s not stalking if you’re friends with the person.
3. Copy “Image Location,” as opposed to “Link Location.”
4. Never underestimate the value of your Stalkee’s friends’ unprotected photo albums.
5. When asked the name of a Stalkee’s significant other, wait ten seconds before “hesitantly” reciting what you’ve already memorized.
6. You’re not serious until you’ve clicked “Show Older Posts” at least ten times.
7. Wall-to-wall flirting means that they’re not close enough friends to flirt in real life.  It’s the friends who never post that you have to look out for.
8. “[Blank] is no longer listed as ‘in a relationship’” = Christmas + Your birthday + St. Patrick’s Day + Mardi Gras + Your bar mitzvah
9. The search bar is not your friend.
10. Be prepared! Prior to speaking with Stalkee, think of ways to subtly bring up their interests, favorite music, movies and TV shows as topics of conversation – so they realize (finally!) that you belong in their bed.