Are You A Bigot?

I was in the bathroom the other day and I came across an intriguing poster titled “ARE YOU A BIGOT.” I consider myself an open, loving, and accepting person. So, I decided to answer some of life’s tough questions for those who are not as worldly as I….

1. Do you laugh at racist jokes?

No, this is really horrible. I’ve never heard, laughed at, or told a rascist joke. Racism is dead, this is the 2000’s. Smeariously, I have a black friend!! It is faggy that this question even needs to be asked—-so G-A-Y. My favorite kind of jokes are knock knock jokes. Wait, did you hear the one—knock knock…who’s there…banana…banana who? knock knock…who’s there…banana…banana who? knock knock…who’s there…orange…orange who? ORANGE you glad I’m not black? Hahahahah. My grandfather tells that one every Christmas.

2. Do you say “that’s so gay”?

Obviously. But I don’t mean it like “that’s so homosexual.” That’s gross. I mean it like “that’s so retarded.“  Retarded means gay, as defined by Webster’s Dictionary (I think.) Duh. I would never say anything to hurt gay people. My Uncle Steve is gay, and even though he’s not allowed in my house I still love him. He tries to send me letters and stuff but my mom won’t let me read them. Sad.

3. Do you think men are better than women?

GIRL POWER! Susan B. Anthony would roll in her grave if she was presented with this inane (that’s my word of the day!) question. Lucretia Mott, Harriet Tubman, Anna Nicole Smith —R.I.P.—all pioneers for women today. I even joined the Facebook group “Bitch, Get In The Kitchen and Make Me a Sandwhich” because my boyfriend told me its a group about men who respect women who can cook.

4. Do you think senior citizens are stupid?

I have been raised to respect my elders. Without them we would not have the wisdom of many decades. But they should not be allowed to drive!! One of them totally rear ended me last April. I was pissed. Wait…the worst is when you’re trying to walk somewhere and they are in front of you going so slow with their canes and giant oxygen tanks. Reee-dic-u-lous. Everyone over the age of 60 should invest in a JazzyChair. Lloyd Christmas said it best, “Senior Citizens, though slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. Don’t you go dying on me.” LOVE YOU GRANDMA, MISS YOU EVERYDAY.”

5. Do you call people and things retarded?

Okay, is this a trick question? YES. This poster is so repetitve. I don’t mean retarded like people who are disabled—I would never make fun of those people. They are so strong. They even have their own Olympics. Wheelchair basketball is so cool. Who knew people who were retarded could actually play sports? Not me.

Hopefully my answers to these questions have opened the eyes of all those people who actually are bigots. Remember—admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Love,
Laura